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enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Celebrate good times, c'mon!

Added later: Got THEEEEE cheapest flight to Italy, and it's direct to Frankfurt with Air Canada and then a quick hop with Lufthansa to Florence. I'm so excited. I checked with my boss and then I just bought it: May 9 -25. Not a long trip but enough time to see Joan and perhaps Marco and have a blast. I am so excited!!

So I was up late last night and wrote and posted the following entry. I then deleted it because I felt like a loopedy-loop for doing it and for what I said therein. I wanted to sleep on it. Forch, as the grand Fifi would say, it still feels real in the morning. Imagine that! Do excuse anything that seems self-aggrandizing - not intended at all.

I'm sitting here in the middle of the night - I'm terrible that way - and feeling wonderful.

I sat down and did my budgeting. I also retrieved the cheapest fare I've ever seen for Florence in May. I'm going to email my boss tomorrow morning to confirm the dates and then I'm just going to buy it.

I'm so happy and proud of myself. I have achieved so much this year. Recently, I have been extremely proud of my work. I have earned these next two days off as a result of this disciplined work, and my boss explicitly said today that he didn't feel that this was sufficient to compensate for my effort on this project. Related to this, I was invited to participate in a major event next week, and I have been feeling recognition from other senior officials in recent days. My boss is also giving me another four days to compensate for not getting my promotion in on time.

I can't quite explain it. I've accomplished lots of things before in my life that have looked good on paper. I've never felt, however, as serenely proud of myself for my honest effort and dedication in the face of obstacles and in a situation of limited support. I feel very strong and that I'm taking full responsibility for my life. I kept plugging away at this job even though it was miserable going for the first year.

I just thought I'd celebrate those thoughts, because more often than not I am beating myself up for the ways in which I have fallen short.

At any rate, there will be more challenges to come, to be sure. All of the targets are moving, and do I really know what the targets are anyhow? What I've realized is that I've found peace with the fact that the targets are moving and that I don't have absolute control over anything. I'm back to being excited about the possibilities.

I'm going to cherish these wonderful two days that I have to myself, value the privilege that I have in having paid French training, and look forward to a wonderful spring. Peace. .

So it looks as though I will be spending my 39th birthday in Florence. I am also hatching a fabulous plan to spend my 40th birthday next year by running the London Marathon again. Yes! The big thing will be to figure out how to get a bib - I can either enter the lottery like everyone else or I can get a decent half marathon time under my belt and apply for an elite bib. If I could get in 3:10 shape even (I won't be running a half hour faster again with these lazy legs, that's for sure), I could get an elite bib. (It even hurts me to think of 3:10 these days, to be truthful, and I never thought I'd ever say that. I want to walk! ;-)) The problem with this scheme is that if I do that they likely won't permit me to run wearing a chicken suit...:) Those guys take their marathoning seriously. That would look funny on the BBC, non? I believe that they still start the competitive women 30 minutes before the men start. None of them are wearing chicken suits. It's the awesome people who start in the people's race and raise money for charity who do that. A great tradition! Here's me the last time. OK, not the last time. Quite some time ago...Photobucket

I know what the answer is. It's both. Try the lottery first so that I can run like a slug, and then if that fails whip myself back into reasonable shape. Done. More later on this one. Don't you think that this would be a wonderful way to celebrate a 40th birthday - to celebrate coming around and finding peace, respect, forgiveness and patience with oneself, and to celebrate the gift of health? After the marathon and a week in London next year I then could take myself through England for a week or take a week in Paris. Nice plan, non? Who needs a boyfriend???? I can't run fast if I am carrying too much heavy baggage. ;-)

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10:42 a.m. - 2009-03-05

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