enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We do things differently

OK. Kind of a tough day, but OK.

It turns out that I will likely not be able to go to California at the beginning of April. The lovernment is under a lot of pressure, which I half suspected would happen.

More personally, I had a really big blow-up with K.

I really like K, think that she is a very nice person, but in some ways she is in a lot of trouble. She knows that she has trouble, but I don't think she realizes the degree to which the impression she gives at the office is not going to help her career.

At any rate, she flirts outrageously with her boss. Her boss of course has started making fairly innocent but flirtatious remarks back to her. He makes the same remarks to me, actually, or rather MADE such remarks, until I said something jokingly to the effect that I not only have nice dresses and good posture but that I know how to file a sexual harrassment claim...

Anyhow. So the problem with K. is that she is overly personal and intimate with everyone. I told her a month ago, when she asked, that she should simply stop him if she doesn't like the comments that he makes by telling him so. She said that she likes the banter and doesn't want that to change. I told her that her job is not to be liked by her boss but to be respected by her boss.

Unfortunately, she also dresses very provocatively. I think it is important to her to attract male attention.

So anyhow. She asked me yesterday if I would come to a meeting with another colleague - this guy who LIKES ME - to discuss her situation with her boss. So I wrote back that no, I wouldn't, and that I thought that it was really for her to figure out and act on her own. I said explicitly that it's not that I don't want to be supportive, but that it's for her to manage her relationship with the person with whom she has a relationship. I firmly believe what that counselor told me a while back - my relationship with someone is no one's business but that other person's. If I had felt that the situation was one of true harrassment, then I would have told her to go straight for a confidential meeting with the people who deal with this stuff in the department. There are of course formal processes for these things.

Soo...anyhow she got all angry with me today and said that I made her feel small and that I condescended to her. She's always been very blunt with me about things - how i should change my appearance, what I should do about my boss, M., etc. - so I felt that I could be so in return. I feel badly that she felt this approach was condescending. She has absolutely no chance of progressing as things are right now so I felt that me telling her the truth might in the end help her.

Always tricky to know when to be fully honest and direct. Oh well. What's done is done! Still, I really did not want to get involved. I don't think it is my business to be discussing the issue with her anyhow, given that I haven't seen all of the boss's side.

SO...suppose I should put it out of my mind.

8:30 p.m. - 2009-02-25

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next

other diaries:

stepfordtart
ohell
awittykitty
annanotbob
manfromvenus
smartypants
fifidellabon
hungryghost
hissandtell