enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bloody AWESOME

So tell me, is there an avian flu going on in San Francisco or something?

I just got confirmation of my uber cheap flight that I bought yesterday...accompanied by a free airport shuttle bus ticket.

Hmm...

I realize that it must be the economy, but the odd thing is that a colleague of mine has been looking for flights to DETROIT (relatively close to here) and the flights are $500 MORE than the flight that I purchased to SF. Flights to NYC remain $200 more than the flight that I bought to SF, even though NYC is quite close to here and also is a busy route. Not sure what is going on...

Thigns that make you go...hmmm...

Maybe San Francisco (and the friendly local expert who sent me the free shuttle ticket) think that they'll like me. :) I mean, if they throw in a six pack and a cute imaginary boyfriend I might just stay!

So...

Today was a great day.

It was great because I've got it. I'm so focused and determined.

Now that we're done with all of the politically-driven stuff for a while anyhow, I'm starting into my econometrics projects.

I realize that I shouldn't mention this as it makes me seem like more of a goombah than I already do, but I just love trying to execute econometrcs beyond my grasp. I was pulling research papers like a demon today and thinking of respecifications for a number of interesting projects that we will have on the go. I feel excited!

I suppose that there is a part of me that just loves 1) research; and 2) a good mystery.

Good!

I just feel GREAT!

I'm going to set up meetings in the history departments of the two main local universities.

I'm going to take an art course or a writing course this summer (probably both).

I am also pretty sure that I am going to go to Italy. I will make it a cheap trip - maybe only a week and a half or two weeks - by staying in the hostel again. I'll eat cheaply and will take the studio course (or a portion of it, anyhow). It will be great. I can't pass up the opportunity to see Joan again as well. I have a feeling that it will be my last course at the BI for a while. I don't know how I know that, but I think I know that.

I'm able to DO things now. I'm unfrozen. I picked up my pencil and drew when I got home just a little while ago, just to remember that that's the point. Everything is starting to loosen up and feel easy.

I've realized that the whole boyfriend thing is silly. The problem is that I am happiest when I am doing things that stretch my brain and KEEP me thinking (but not ruminating - that's different). I LOVE my life when I have goals and interests about which I'm passionate. I think I struggle with whether or not this is the *correct* way to be. That's all it is. I find it difficult to trust that what I feel on an instinctive level is right for me is *right*, just because everyone else tells me that it is not a *normal* way to be.

I just don't see myself in a house in the suburbs pushing a stroller around (not that there's anything wrong with that). If I could find a cool guy who didn't want to own any stuff and wanted to adventure in the world (with or without a kid), I could be happy. But that's a tall order and it's not worth waiting around for. I can't stop and pause and question who I am anymore.

I'm going skating tonight and tomorrow night and also on Saturday and SUnday. The weather forecast is fantastic for these four days. C. is going to join me tonight at 9. I can't wait! I just love being out on the ice at night. It's so pretty. I'll take pics!

Peace. I'm stealing from BoXx, but that's my current favourite word. It's coming together for me. I KNOW what is right for me. Everything is gradually sifting out for me. The counselor has helped. That "pleasure" conversation of two weeks ago was a catalyst for this. Tomorrow I think I'm going to propose that we speak about guilt. That's a big vice of mine.

C's calling, I think. Off I go!

Oh, also, I think a big reason for my peace of mind is that of course my paranoia yesterday about my promotion being signed was unwarranted. I didn't hear anything about it today and no news is good news. Having that signed and sealed and having the additional money (and back pay) coming in really shores up my confidence and faith in myself.

8:04 p.m. - 2009-01-29

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next

other diaries:

stepfordtart
ohell
awittykitty
annanotbob
manfromvenus
smartypants
fifidellabon
hungryghost
hissandtell