enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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My nostrils only froze together on the way home. Has that ever happened to you? I hope it doesn't.

I need to write this down before I forget.

I should not have doubted that psychologist dude. He did a great job tonight and we talked for a long time. Totally worth the money.

I like my picture above. I will stop and look at it more often.

Basically what we distinguished between is the child voice and the parent voice and the mediating role of reason between the two. I'm ruled by the parent voice (guilt, should, fear). I want to learn to bring out the child voice and to let only reason act as the temperer.

I mean, I suppose that sometimes reason will side with the parent. But there has to be a balance.

I always think in shoulds, oughts and musts. I do not get much pleasure in my life. It might seem as though I do, but my often nearly 50 hours a week at work, for example, are not spent in pleasure. Pleasure is not possible there. I cannot even take pleasure in tasks that I have done well, because I don't in general philosophically agree with what is being done.

So I've been instructed to start writing in the true WANT voice rather than in the should voice. Instead of trying to pursuade myself to be this WANT person, because that's the same old me and the same old (parent) voice talking, I'm going to try to allow the needs and wants to come out more directly.

The creativity thing, for example - that's all about this. I'm glad that I took Anna's book suggestion. And of course I have BoXx's wonderful book! Tomorrow. Tomorrow morning. I will start.

It's such a challenge to be and to become a different person. But I want to be a different person.

And since we're on the subject of pleasure...it's time for liquor and popcorn. :)

Have a WONDERFUL night!:)

I want to write a gratitude list here as Anna does. It's a grat idea. I'm grateful for my friends and for you wonderful cats for a start. Oh, and that my nostrils have come unglued.

10:19 p.m. - 2009-01-16

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fifidellabon
hungryghost
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