enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Bon bon bon bon

You know, you're not going to believe me, but getting that email made me feel so free and so clear...so over him.

I know! Maybe I'm more competitive than I think. Maybe I feel as though I won, as though he will miss me. :)

Anyhow. Enough of that.

Let me say that this trip was the best possible thing that I could have done. I spent WAAAAY too much money - trains, good food, lilac boots. Oh and did I mention that I bought a lilac cashmere sweater to match the boots? I view the two items as similar to a woman wearing white in the 19th century. Then, it was a way to say, "I'm rich enough to have a maid to wash my clothes every day." For me, the lilac is about saying, "I'm NOT a girl in black. Watch out."

I really did buy lilac boots and a matching sweater.

Oops.

So now I'm back to Ottawa. I went through my bank account statement today online and paid my credit cards. (That's how I know how much money I spent (about 600 more than I had planned).

It was totally worth it though. I feel like a weight has lifted from me. Also, I developed and cemented my friendship with the girl K. who works in my department. I think we will be friends for a long time.

I am making Anna's lamb stew at the moment!! I love that kind of stew. Her description of bunging things into a big pot had me sold. :)

Sooo....

What I was going to say is that I think that this trip was VERY important for me. Italy in the spring was a first step - me realizing that things were very, very wrong in my life and that I needed to step out of myself and take a look around.

September was a bit regressive, except in as much as I took that art course and met Joan. It left me kind of attached to M., however, and that wasn't good.

This trip was entirely different. Sure, I had my moments of thinking about M. They were less than you would think from my few posts though, and when I was out and about I wasn't thinking of him at all.

I met some wonderful people on this trip, some real characters. The coolest one of all was me! I met me!

Well, really, the coolest were tied between the two Australian guys who were biking across Europe in the winter, one of whom was an architect! They walked me around Venice one morning to show me some buildings. They offered to cook me dinner at their B&B that night but I had already committed to having dinner at the hostel with the hostel host who also happened to be a chef. Let's forget that he looked a bit of a porn star, and I'll simply tell you that he was a good cook and completely hilarious.

It was funny to see my team gathered around my office today to hear the stories. They said that they were glad to have me back. They said that when I'm in Italy they always wonder whether I'll come back. :)

Who knows where I'll end up.

I had so much more to say, but I was interrupted and I'm also still finishing my stew. I will post some videos from Florence later.

Cheerio!

You know, I actually, honestly feel that right now I am ready to accept only the best for myself. I will not settle for less than a guy who treats me with great attention and respect. :)

7:57 p.m. - 2009-01-08

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