enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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"And so may you, for a light heart lives long."

Oh lordy.

Well I passed a wonderful day. C. had me out running along the canal by about noon. The canal was completely deserted, which I'm sure was reflective of the cold! It is bitterly cold!

Still, it is invigorating to run in the cold. One doesn't feel cold except for in the first few minutes. After that it's just any exposed bits of the face that feel a little bit frosty. Again, however, I must emphasize that it is extremely refreshing to run in the cold. And of course one burns so many calories trying to heat the body. ;-)

I'm just kidding. I couldn't care less about calories. That is not to disparage anyone else. I realize that I am very lucky. My weight hasn't changed by more than one or two lbs. in fifteen years. I conclude that I am genetically disposed to be relatively small, although I am also naturally a woman who is in motion. I can't stand not getting out and walking every day. In fact, I hate to be in a car or a bus! I realize, however, that it is difficult for others to maintain a weight.

So this afternoon was great. C. invited me back to his place to hang out and cook, so we made some pain perdu (Frenchie toast :)) from some old bread and eggs and vanilla soy milk. It was delicious! We then sat in his living room watching the winter sun slowly descend in the sky, talked a bit of politics, a bit of miscellaneous nothing, and the day ended with me reading cool expressions out of the French dictionary on the table that C. has STILL not returned to me. :)

At the end of the day, C. said to me, "I must say that you have taken SSS-y-ness to an all new level!"

I take this as a grand compliment! It must be Fifi's assignment of the letter to me!

I will confess though that I am sitting here still feeling a bit anxious about my landlord. His son has not yet called me back, so I assume that there is something wrong in their family. I do hope that it is not with R. He is a very nice man and I realize that abstracting from the annoying flirtation, he has been a good friend to me in the last two years. I am seeing now today the degree to which I have benefited him as well, and the degree to which his attentions - post cards, flowers, Christmas gifts - reflect his loneliness and appreciation of my company. So I feel a bit wistful and sad. Although I must say that whatever happens, I believe that he has had a good life. I don't want to think of him dying, of course, but if someone has had a good life and does not suffer in death, I think it is a pretty "good" death. I guess I'm at peace with dying when a life's purpose has been fulfilled.

This afternoon there was the most beautiful winter sun, as I mentioned before. From C's living room vantage point what I could see was a softly glowing orb, diffusing pale yellow light through the grey winter sky and through the barren branches of the many old trees in our neighbourhood. I appreciated the sun and the days in their repeating cycles just that little bit more today. I also appreciated the company of my best friend.

I thought, too, about getting a dog. I think that as soon as I get my feelings sorted out re. travel, I'm going to get a dog. This will probably occur in 2011. Next year I'll go to FLorence for a few weeks in April and possibly to Paris as well. In the year following I will look at taking my leave. I might even go on my own 3 month bicycling holiday somewhere (totally abstracting from M., no worries). The alternative is that I will take my leave and go back to Europe. It's all so exciting!

I guess what I'm saying is that I feel an extra dose of gratitude today. I have so many friends who love me. I have a great job, if not the best job for me. I have paid French training on the job, which is making my French better and better all the time! I make more than enough money to fulfill my dreams and am building a good pension. I live in a safe country in which it is relatively easy to live in a level of comfort. And I got to that level of comfort because even with a relatively weak family background, I learned from my family many of the things necessary for economic survival. All of the other stuff I am learning from others, partly because I have enough education to know how to receive that learning. All of those little pieces of chance have happened to me and so often don't happen to others! Today, I am very, very grateful. And of course, I am ridiculously healthy! Sometimes I moan about the family thing, but I know well enough that families for a lot of people don't turn out to be the greatest blessing. So appreciate what you have, Miss EB!

4:37 p.m. - 2008-12-13

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