enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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C'est belle, la vie.

I had a GREAT day today.

Long story. Guess I needed to crash over the ticket. (Old habits, bad thoughts, whatever.)

But BoXx and Anna and Ana and Fifi gave me the best comments! Thank you!

It's true. There's a reason that I'm going there. I'm already beside myself with excitement. It all has a purpose and I'm in tune with the purpose, whatever it is. I'm going to let it be.

So today I had my follow-up career counselling appointment. I only remembered it upon my entry to the office this morning (in a giant blizzard, no less - MERVEILLEUX!).

To sum up, I'm an INFP (which I already knew). I'm CRAZILY a healer idealist, which means that I should be an artist a teacher or a minister, basically. We talked about me becoming a mediator, actually. Believe it or not, I'm really good at mediating conflict. People trust me. GOD KNOWS WHY.

So it was funny to see these charts going off the map with all of these attributes that I know that I have, but that have no place in my current job (or at least NO place of aCCEPTANCE in my current job). It kind of cracked me up.

But the best thing about it is that I realized in the meeting that my big problem all along has been trying to PRETEND that I'm a THINKING JUDGING type of person rather than a (neurotic) (introverted intuitive) FEELING PERCEIVING person. I've been trying to be the other person because for some reason I have thought that being THINKING JUDGING is better. I may be the outlier in my work, but it finally dawned on me today that I don't communicate like the others and I don't see the world like the others but that IT'S NOT AXIOMATIC THAT I'M BAD OR DEFICIENT.

It just makes me different. Believe it or not, I WAS operating under the belief that I was WRONG in being like me. I already felt things loosen up this afternoon as I sat there not judging what I am.

Anyhow. WHATEVER! I'm going to ITALIA!

M. didn't write to me today. I'm happy. I feel as though if I just let go everything will work out exactly as it should. I think that BoXx has incredible wisdom in this. The universe, my subconscious, whatever...is working things out for me.

MY GOD am I fortunate. I think about everything that I get to do and see...I could weep with joy.

So let's end this entry with WEEPING with joy, rather than weeping with fear. I'm OK.

I took some really cool pics today and yesterday in the snow, but I'm so tired. I will see if I can summon the energy to post them.

Gosh. Now I need to plan my bag for Florence. I booked all of my accomodation last night (a big part of the suffering!), and so THAT horrible thing is done, fortunately. I'm really not a "details" person. Don't tell the minister of Line Dancing. ;-)

10:09 p.m. - 2008-12-09

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