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enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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I've always wanted to be a tango dancer.

Since I'm having SERIOUS doubts about my sanity at this point, I'm going to wallpaper over it with pictures.

The picturesque Quebec City:

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And everyone's favourite commercial Santa:
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You know, as I think about it, I must admit - and I'm being completely honest here - I'd kind of like to have the M. thing done. I mean, I'd like it out of my system. I know I'm going to have to move on sooner or later. And, believe it or not, I sincerely think I can enjoy having a good time for a short time. I find it's better to have occasional great times than to have all the time blah times with someone, well, blah.

I don't know why this feels healthy, but it does.

The Italy idea is probably not going to come to pass. I've been so careful with money lately it would seem silly to break the great habits I've developed by going to Italy for a THIRD TIME IN ONE CALENDAR YEAR.

On the other hand, I do wonder a bit about what money's for. I am putting plenty away in my pension account so it's not that I can't spend other money on other things. I've cut out all of the chaff in my life.

I just don't know. I have the whole "live when you're young and energetic" vibe going, but at the same time I have that little, conservative voice in the back of my head (likely not mine - more likely my mother's). It's quite disconcerting.

I think I need to sleep on all of this. And talk to C. He'll set me straight. It's funny though that it has come up again. I think it is because I feel strong and hopeful. That therapist has released something in me. Or something about me has released something in me. I feel much more peaceful about many, many things. Even my mother.

I have a massive headache, else I'd be drinking my way through this decision though. :) As it is, my biggest indulgence today was steamed brussels sprouts, organic sweet potatoes, fresh salmon and a handful of chocolate chips. I really do know how to live, don't I?

I do hope that you ladies have more sense than I do. I'm going to do something quite rash (or shall we say "daredevilish"?) in the next year or so. I can feel it.Photobucket

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11:04 p.m. - 2008-12-04

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Come al solito - 2011-04-16
unfettered spending - 2011-04-15
How does it go? - 2011-04-14
Whirlwind. - 2011-04-13
bleak that flips over to daffodil - 2011-04-08