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enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Gentilissima!

Am sitting here stuffing my gob with tortilla chips.

So much for the GREAT diet of late. WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

I have no guac, although I'm about to make black bean soft tacos, if you can believe it. Oh no - I decided on chicken and spinach pasta instead in the end.

Italian was nice tonight. To be honest though, I nearly didn't make it. I was in quite a mood and a "state" today. I might as well be honest about it.

As I've said many times before, I don't know how many times I have to run this experiment before I accept that the problem is JUST MY JOB.

My boss was back today. And I was left with not enough information in advance to feel intelligent in any of my meetings. By the end of the day I was all wound up and panicked whilst trying to reconcile a bunch of data. Finally I simply gave up and came home. I sat down at the computer and wrote something stupid - oh and read something from M. - and eventually went to Italian. Late.

Italian kind of perked me up, as did the 2.5 mile walk each way in the snow. Yes, it is snowing. On the way home my gay classmate walked with me and amused me utterly by telling me that he that he is feeling less down these days and so is back at the gym, although stated that for him the gym is a total vanity project. We actually swapped stories of the undateability of men in Ottawa - on both teams - and had a laugh. We stopped at the supermarket and he bought a giant bag of grapes. I splurged on chocolate, tortilla chips, almond butter (I'm going to make my own power bar thingies, slathered in chocolate of course. They'll have flax seeds in them for nutrition points! :))

I also bought two giant pomegranates. (I have a thing for pomegranates, dating to childhood, since my mom would only rarely allow us to have "rare" fruits. Mmmmm...)

SO I'm back home now and I feel better. I can tell that I feel better because I had been disappointed by M.'s email before class. When I got home I reread it and realized that it is actually very nice. I suppose that I get disappointed because he keeps on writing and yet hasn't readdressed some of the plans that we had discussed when I was there. I know realistically that I should let this completely drop, as mariastuart has suggested. It's just difficult to do. No one else has made me feel so special in a long time. I find it difficult to forget his wonderful smile, and the way that when we were sitting in a group he would always turn towards me and put his feet on my chair, completely unconsciously.

Oh well. The day is over. Why think further about it. These chips are yummy. There are good things afoot. No need to be glum.

Am looking forward to the dance concert tomorrow night, although the friend with whom I'm going talks too much. I hope she won't talk my ear off. :)

But then again, what are ears for?

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10:23 p.m. - 2008-11-24

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