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enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Oh la la

I wish I could be another Ms. Fifi! I would love to have her light touch in writing!

Light touch: I will make an attempt.

Mariastuart: You are exactly right. M. has started to fade for me. This is because I haven't written to him in about three weeks. I don't know exactly when he will return to Italy and when he will write to me, but I almost wish that he wouldn't write. I think it's time to leave the whole experience behind as a good memory. For now, anyhow.

Soo...I am trying to decide on yoga or not yoga in about half an hour. I will probably go to yoga. Do you know, I was out of my apartment every evening in the last week! Every evening! Now that is an achievement for me.

ANd I must say that I am the happier for it. Maybe it sounds like avoidance, but to me it just sounds like NOT ruminating and staring at my navel. Mostly, I had a good time. I'm less busy in the next week or two, but I won't turn down opportunities that arise.

I'm even thinking of going to a play tonight. I have no idea which play. I never go to plays. It's the one art form that I have rarely investigated. Not sure why. I suppose because I've never done it myself and so I don't have the connection to it that I do to dance or to classical music. But I can learn! I mean, I've never sung opera!

My next dance concert is on November 25. It's a good thing that I just looked at the ticket as I thought it was for November 28. On November 26 C. and I are going to see the band St@rs. I really don't like this kind of music that much, but I go to C's pop concerts because I figure I should keep myself open to other things. I'm usually a little bit bored there but new experiences are always good, methinks. Plus I think he enjoys the company.

This next week will be a week of appointments, more than going out. On Wednesday I have the doctor. On Thursday I meet with the career counselor. On Friday I meet with the counselor. So I'm to have my body, career and heads examined this week. Excellent!

I was just thinking as I woke up that I'm likely to try to stick it out at my job for another year to two, much as I hate it, try to get promoted again (for the money), and then take my experience there and go and work in something oriented much more towards international development or social policy. And of course the foreign affairs line is still in the water. No idea where that will go.

Unless I manage to go back to school to do something art or restoration or history-oriented, I can see myself moving more towards social policy or development. I'm not sure what I'd want to do. I don't want to be a quantitative analyst forever. I'd rather take my knowledge of numbers and modeling to support work as a policy analyst or program or project manager. What I feel right now in my current job is that my best skills are not used: negotiation, consensus-building, translating quantitative analysis into lay terms. My job right now, apart from the fact that it is done within a group of people whom I don't find to be at all sympa (note that I have not mentioned the senior economist lately, who has been pissing me off daily), leaves me feeling bored, if I'm perfectly honest. Unfulfilled.

Anyhow. I really don't know where my career is going to go, and I'm 100% OK with that. I'm embracing the mystery, if you want to know. Where I am is perfect for this, as I'm drifting through experience that will always look good on my resume. If I'm perfectly honest, I am not at all career-oriented. I really don't care. What I care about is doing work that I enjoy and that I feel is valuable. I'm not climbing any ladder or aiming any missile in any particular direction. This is why I've been so miserable in my current job. I'm not interested in fighting with these other wankers to climb the ladder to Deputy Sinister of Line Dance or something, and that's what the entire game is about there. It's a very, very vertical department.

So, 'nuff of that.

EEK. I'd better get ready if I'm going to go to yoga. Not sure. Must think that one through. It is rather expensive. Maybe I'll just do my own yoga practise here. Either way, I should put on my comfy pants and start PRACTISING.

Oh! C. told me yesterday that he thinks that my French is now better than his! Oh my! He has already passed his bilingualism test. He has much more confidence in his language skills than I do.

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9:37 a.m. - 2008-11-15

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