enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Sweet dreams and a wonderful moment in time for a great many people.

So that's an interesting result for America, and indeed the world.

I must admit that I'm not in a good mood tonight, and I keep on writing and deleting entries. I don't want to spoil my happy streak, I suppose, by admitting that today I felt so demoralized at work that I went into my office and cried. And unfortunately my boss sensed that I was upset and had been crying, and so I had the worse self-loathing heaped on me of knowing that I had displayed pathetic weakness at work, which I loathe and which likely undermined my authority. And something else that was disappointing happened. And I suppose thinking about America had me thinking about M. down there in California with who knows whom tonight, and of how lonely I am. And how tired I am of hearing about the senior economist's pregnant wife! :) (Day in, day out.)

It's tough to stay focused in the present moment when you're so lonely. I don't even hope anymore that one day I will have a family of my own, but I do want to hope that one day I will have a nice boyfriend with whom to do things. I will try to think positively on this one, though it feels so difficult at this current moment. And, as C. informs me all too often, no one will love me until I am able to love myself. That's so terribly difficult. I wish it weren't.

Well, a bad day is a bad damn day. Nothing more. Sleep will undoubtedly help. I'm quite sniffly for some reason, which explains the achey neck and terrible headache of yesterday. I'm only human.

On that note, I shall go to bed. I'll have to see the Obama speech tomorrow! Classy speech by JM.

Well, sweet dreams, all! And congratulations!

11:55 p.m. - 2008-11-04

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