enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Thank god for cheese. I mean that.

I have the world's worst headache, so this shall be brief. It's like my entire head is in a vice-grip. Odd. Usually I just get simple migraines.

Well, at least I can still eat with this one. I went to Italian class in spite of the headache, and then on the way home I stopped and bought some camembert and a baguette. Mmmm...good thing wheat has not been bothering me at all. Good thing.

So I have to come clean: My mind has sort of been stuck on the M. thing. OK, so it's been stuck on him since yesterday. :) He was at this big wedding that took place yesterday, I know, and he said that he would email me when he returns home to Florence in mid-month.

I suppose there was a part of me that thought he might write to me today to tell me about said big event. But that would be too obvious, right?

Yeah, I'm embarrassed by myself, too. But still, thought I'd come clean.

Soo....the big news is that...I actually sat down and DREW for two hours last night. I would have continued on for a longer period of time but of course I had to sleep. I had trouble sleeping and had a CRAP sleep - I think I'm stressing about this project that I must do at work and that I'm afraid of, stupidly - and so in the end I might as well have stayed up to continue drawing. :)

Oh well. The march of progress! Oh and I sang to bad Italian pop songs tonight and learned about the famous porn star who sat in their house of deputies a couple of decades back. WHO KNEW?

I mean, I'm not surprised. I just don't follow Italian politics (well, Burluscon! news is unavoidable, I'll admit).

Those crazy Italians!

Yes. Must. Stop. Thinking.

You know, I'm a happy girl these days. I'm sinking into my INFP self and reveling in it. I like being goofy and joyful.

I must tell you though that I chickened out on a bit of my joy last night. Yes! Before drawing I finished knitting my white toque. After finishing the toque I decided to make a pom pom for the top. I mean, if you're EVER going to wear a giant pom pom on your hat you'll never get a better opportunity than on a WHITE hat, non?

But then I finished my beautiful pom pom, sewed it on, and realized that I could never wear the hat to work, which was the point - to wear it on my walk to work in the freezing cold - and so I started hacking away at the pom pom to reduce it from its 9 cm glory.

I did reduce its diameter slightly, but then I completely chickened out and cut the pom pom off the hat. Made me sad. I've really found myself conforming to the expectations of my workplace. It's ugly. I never wear my green dress anymore. It's all shirt and sweater combos with demure skirts and trousers and sensible boots.

I KNOW!

Did I mention that I went to see Mike L3igh's Happy-go-lucky on the weekend?

Yes. I loved it. I absolutely loved it. It's how I realized the degree to which I've stopped being that girl. In so many ways I'm THAT girl, and yet I don't behave in that way so often.

I've read myriad reviews for that movie on IMD3, and it's amazing to me how many people actually labeled the main character ANNOYING. She's just joyful. And intuitive. And sensitive. And not at all stupid. I don't know. I found it freeing. But I realize that one has to have a particular personality to connect with this. Most of all what moved me about the film is that the underlying message is NOT joyful. It perfectly underlines how difficult it is to remain optimistic in the face of so much (particularly male) rage, fragility, fear.

Anyhoooooooooooooo...

as my grandmother used to say.

That was a long entry given the headache. The camembert must have inspired.

Now, to make up my mind whether or not to write to M...I know I should wait for him to write when he returns home...sigh. And I also OUGHT to forget about him. :)

Oh! I'm deciding between London and Paris for xmas. I was totally on Paris yesterday and today I swayed more towards London. Not sure!:)

10:44 p.m. - 2008-11-03

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