enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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All before coffee. The first few seconds of waking are always interesting.

Well, that was interesting.

I woke up super-late AGAIN. I was having weird dreams about backpacking around Australia with who I thought was C. but who was actually my former boyfriend Andrew. He had C's lateness but A's reluctance to move on anywhere. Weird.

And then I woke up to an interview on the radio with Alan!s Moriss3tte.

She now sounds like an American! She has completely lost her Canadian accent! That is not surprising, really, since she has lived there for fifteen plus years, but still! Usually the accent change is not so complete. I'm actully surprised by how many actors completely retain their Canadian accents. (Don't get me wrong - I like American accents. But I can pick them out from a mile away, right down to the state/or at least region, usually. I have never confused a Canadian with an American. I even know right away from which part of Canada the person comes, down to the city. I think that Ms. Fifi made a similar comment recently about American accents. Although I think in part that I am SO good with identifying where a person comes from in Canada because I always notice mannerisms and dress. I can tell by the public style and presentation (read: degree of reserve) of a person from which city or town in Canada he or she comes. It's an amazing puzzle, really. I'm surprised that so few people notice the differences.)

To be honest, I have never been a fan of Alan!s Morisette. I don't like most of her music, and her new-agey stuff that is supposed to sound intelligent mostly comes out sounding a bit silly to me. But, I do conceed that she is very successful and seems to be a very nice person.

So! She's in Ottawa to enjoy Thanksgiving with her family today. She's from Ottawa, in case you haven't yet discerned this. (This explains the anger. :) He he he he)

We don't even HAVE a theatre big enough to conceal someone going down on someone else, so I really wonder about that one. I do hope that she is not referring to my favourite OLD repertory theater.

That would be a ICKY! (I think she was already living in LA when she wrote the song. :))

I wonder where her parents live. Probably close to me. I am not rich but I live relatively near to most of the rich people. Probably down by the Prime Minister's residence. Or maybe on an estate across the river. I was surprised to find out that she speaks no French, because obviously she has at least some French Canadian blood. But I saw her in an interview in France on You Tub3 and clearly she doesn't understand the language. They had a tribute concert here on the CBC a while ago, in which different artists covered her songs. Her parents were in attendance. They were very cute. Her dad, when asked, said that he was really embarrassed when You Oughtt@ Know came out. I can understand that. They seemed like typical, reserved Canadian parents. I think my mother would die of mortification if she ever heard me utter the words "blow j0b." :)

I think she plays at the National Arts C3ntre tomorrow (AM, not my mother :)), which is a few blocks from my house.

It's such a strange thing to think of my tiny little life in contrast to the life of someone like that!

For a long time, people would ask me if I was Irish. That was just silly, but it's because I speak quickly and my accent had changed quite a bit from travel. In general I enunciate very clearly, which most of my countrymen don't. This time, in Italy, however, I had to conceed to Joan that my accent is pretty much flat-newscaster-Canadian at the moment. She did tell me that she finds my accent to be more soft than the usual harsh North American one that grates on her nerves. THIS I'd never heard before. (I have to be honest and say that I don't like the Aussie accent at all, so I take her point. There was a time when I thought it was cute, but perhaps S. ruined it for me? British ones I quite like, in general. They seem natural to me, so I hardly notice them unless very dramatic. I suppose it is growing up with them in comedy and on tv. Plus we used to have a LOT of teachers and professors, in relative terms, who had moved here from Britain.)

Such a strange, personal thing, these accents. I wonder if Alan!s knows that her Canadian one is completely gone?

I'm old enough to remember the first incarnation of AM, when she was still ALANIS, and she put out bubblegum pop when she was about 16. OK. Well, maybe not bubblegum pop. I had completely forgotten stuff like this. Very different from what came out later. She used to be on the local CBC show, "V!deo Hits," with giant hair and bangs. It's funny - I seem to remember an earlier, truly bubblegum song, when she was about 14, but I can't find it. Hmm.. Here's one I'd never heard of: gushy.

Anyhow.....that was a weird entry. M. hasn't written to me now for a few days. Since the "I miss you" email. I can just sense that his is trying to not think about me. Well, I will allow him. I can't control anyone else. So I won't write to him. Yet. Maybe in a few days.

Yes, I make very little sense. But if I've learned anything it's that you both have to choose and follow your own purpose, and let everyone else choose their own. You don't have control.

I'm still looking for the certainty about what I should do. All of those articles to which I was referring yesterday were basically describing people knowing inside of themselves what they had to do. The only time I've had that complete certainty was with my running. I hope that that is not the only time that I get that in life.

OK. I lie. In fact, when I decided to move to Australia, I knew that I had no other choice but try it out else I'd regret it. And that came together in a few weeks once I decided to do it.

So I can conclude from this that certainty only comes out of the foolishness of youth, and that is almost gone for me. EEK!

Actually, Joan said something useful to me. It was, "You still have your youth. Enjoy it. It won't be around for much longer."

And she is correct. There is definitely truth to that. So be young and foolish for a while longer, EB. Try it out.

OK. I'm going to sit here and try to meditate my way to certainty. ( I learned yesterday that meditation is a way not to turn off thinking but to understand what one is thinking. Oh and then to turn it off as then when it comes back in it is more conscious. I hope I explained that properly.)

I know. You would be forgiven for thinking that I am mad. OK. Time for coffee.

11:02 a.m. - 2008-10-13

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