enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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I see my fingers curving and I want them to straighten out.

If you can believe it, I am again too tired to either write or read. I was at work until 7, and then I went to the library to take out that Giotto book from 1976 with black and white PHOTOCOPIED pictures that those anally-retentive Canadian library generals had to reshelve before I was permitted to take it out again.

After that I realized that I had forgotten to go to C's house to pick up the cauliflower that he wanted me to have, and to take out his garbage. I did those things, and whilst there I ate some of his chocolates. :) I didn't even try to conceal it - I put the wrappers right on the top of his recycling bin.

In case I've never mentioned it, C. is the guy the most flush with chocolates in the whole world. His mother loves to send him chocolates from Germany. So many varieties, in so many fancy boxes.

C is as skinny these days as all get out, but I figure nevertheless that I am improving his heart health by removing some of the sweets from his realm. :)

Speaking of heart health, mine doesn't feel so good. I haven't been exercising all week, really since biking with M., but I figure since I've been sick and so tired it is best to let my immune system completely rest. I really think I did myself in in Italy by doing so much when sick, but then wouldn't it have been sad if I had been unable to get so much out of it? I just can't believe how quickly it went by. It was like a wink, a blur. And the time spent with M. was like a second. God, if only work weeks could feel like that.

I was lying in my bed about two hours ago. Yes, taking out C's garbage and eating chocolates tired me out THAT much. I napped for about an hour, and I wasn't sure that I could get myself up again to make some dinner. But I did. Dinner is on the stove, and I will have leftovers for lunch tomorrow. I do wish though that I had noticed Anna's recipe link earlier, however, as I just love fish pie. I'm settling instead for a sort of prawn in tomatoes and garlic and ginger thing on brown rice. Simple and tastes not bad. Not much thought went into it.

I think that that is all that I can write.

Oh. Well I suppose that I could write one or two things more.

When I was at C's house, I thought of how much I love my friend. It will be nice to have him back again. Of course he comes back tomorrow and then leaves for Chicago on Friday, but then he will be back again on Monday night I think. So that is good. I really am grateful that I have a friend like that around. I would be so lonely without him.

Also, I studied a wee bit of Italian at work today. That colleague from last night totally forgave me, and he sent me some cool links. I kept on clicking on them to hear the Italian words pronounced.

I was lying in bed having my nap, or following my nap, and again thinking of M. I'm trying to think of him only in a general, warm-fuzzy sort of a way, rather than in a determined I-must-get-there-now sort of a way. It's kind of working. I still have this gigantic, nagging fear that I will lose something that could be wonderful, if I don't do something. But I'm trying to do like MFV suggested, and turn the brain off until next week, say. My place in the universe isn't that important.

So the interesting thing is that as I was curled up in bed I looked up at my Mary Cassatt print, looked at the lines and a dark paint stroke under the right ear on the far lefthand figure, and I thought, "I need to paint."

I really do need to paint. And draw of course. I know - I keep on saying it and not doing it. But the urgency is there. If I can think of anything that I would regret not having done in my life when older, it is that. It is that.

Anyhow. Things will work out. For now I will study Italian and French and I will pick up my pencils and my brush. I have a three day weekend this weekend, so please feel free to send a hit man here to get me if I don't live up to expectations.

Today I was working on costing the ratform for the erection. Utterly exhausting. It all seems like triage now, but I am so damn tired that I can't even tell you if that is true or not. I can't form an intelligent opinion about anything. Oh except that I need to buy gloves and a hat, because it is so cold already in the mornings and last winter I spent half of the winter wearing two right gloves because I had lost the lefts to the two similar pairs that I have. How lame is that? The weather is so beautiful and crisp and clear though. Hmm...I should post some of the pics that I took on the way to work yesterday, when I get around to uploading them.

Oh! I almost forgot. I emailed yesterday my former boss at Foreign Affairs and he emailed back today that he is excited that I have applied for the campaign. We might be able to have coffee on Friday as he passes through Ottawa. I know that he will give me a top reference if I pass through the interview gauntlet. And A. (still posted in NY) also replied to my email and has offered to help me in any way with the recruitment process for the FS. He has offered me help with the questions before, so I don't need him to redo it. He did give me some nice advice about a different stream there to which to apply. He wants me to come visit him in NY. Really, I should not spend the money on that, so I'm hoping that we can connect instead when he comes up to Montreal in early November. I wish I were rich; I would love to take a weekend trip to NYC. If you want to know how religious I am at the moment about saving money, I spent $0 all weekend and only $4.61 yesterday and $4 today, and I was happy about that. I'm going to be one cheap person all winter, so that I can really enjoy Italy in April.

Otterwa in the autumn: So I got up Monday, before my shitty day, and thought, "Gee, what lovely light today! Why don't I take photos on my way to work?" I even tried to furnish some pictures of PEOPLE for MFV, but it seems that no one else wants to live in Ottawa, either. :) I think these photos make it clear why I am starved for the aesthetics of Italy. I guess you can at least compliment us on having clean roads and sidewalks. How exciting! We're clean! (Although if you'll observe in the third-to-last photo, there does appear to be a small piece of litter on the sidewalk. :)) You know, in the grand scheme of things I know that there is a lot to be said for a country with a constitution that starts out saying that we aspire only to "peace, order and good government." It's just not very sassy. Tomorrow I'll post pics of my lovely trip to Fiesole with Joan.

First, I opened the window.

Then, I noticed that that squirrel had been by to leave me some, er, presents. I'm growing to like, or at least admire him. Pesky little thing. I actually have to put not one but TWO boxes in the window when I open it, stacked on top of one another, and STILL the other day he tried a flying squirrel move to get into my apartment. Fortunately, the flying squirrel move over two boxes makes a LOT of noise. An early warning system, if you will.

And then of course I had to walk:

My house, in the middle of my street.

And here's something more Canadian than hockey pucks: a dude lovingly washing his motor boat before he has to pack it away in storage for the winter. I had already passed him, but the soap suds were running down the driveway.

10:23 p.m. - 2008-10-07

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