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enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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You can stay the night.

I hope you'll forgive me for I just can't read and comment tonight. I feel heavy and dark. I actually walked down the stairs to deliver my rent cheque and had the thought that I have nothing to look forward to in life.

I know that that is all silliness so I think I need to turn my brain completely off. I wish I could take time off work. The weekend will be here soon enough. Tomorrow I start another one of those horrid French classes. It looks like a better group this time but still I am not keen. I should be grateful but really I feel miserable to be constantly studying things about which I am not passionate. It's not as though French is a punishment, although public service courses are so horrible. Mostly I think I am horrified by public servants. :) I'm pretty horrified by everything about the public service other than the pension, actually.

OK. I'm going to go and mope somewhere else. Please forgive me. I'm sure I'll be back in a day or two. I just need to wallow for a bit.

I wish I knew how to follow my bliss. More accurately I wish I knew how to identify a bliss that is not too expensive. :) I keep on identifying options that I don't really WANT per se, but that are marginally better versions of what I feel I HAVE to do for money. I don't really want to be a diplomat, for example. I would be doing it so that I wouldn't have to live here. Isn't that awful?

OH I am a sad stupid girl.

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9:49 p.m. - 2008-09-30

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