enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Wonderful art class.

What a silly entry I wrote this morning!!

I think I must have still been asleep.

A good day, although I'll admit that I was feeling insecure. Everyone is so dressy and flashy here, and there are very many pretty girls. I felt old and drab and I do wonder why M. would even want to spend time with me. So I'd better banish these confidence issues before I see him.

Silly. Silly me!! I think it's partly that there were a bunch of young girls on my tour this morning, and a bunch of young girls in my art class. They were all posturing and pretty and I felt a bit left out. You can't be young forever, really. Although I wouldn't want to be young still, to be sure. Many of these girls were rather stupid.

I was stupid, too, when I was their age.

My art class, more importantly, was terrific! I loved the academic director although I was a bit put off when the guy said, "So you'll miss the beginning of the course and the end of the course. That's a bit odd, isn't it?" (Um. You say right in your brochure that one can take any week of any course, or any combination of weeks. But I digress...)

So I explained that I have a JOB. My course divides into two groups. I should have expected this. The first is retired people. I think I will like these people. Mostly ladies, although some older gents, too. The second group is composed of young girls who are clearly either escaping a term of uni at daddy's expense or just...doing things at daddy's expense. I've never seen so many young girls bedecked in jewellery and the latest designer clothes and twiddling their hair during class. I shouldn't really be saying that as I WAS a TA not very long ago. :) (But of course students were mesmerized in my classes. :))

Just kidding. So some of the questions in my class were funny. What is usury? In what country is Assizi? Is concavity a word?

Don't worry - the old ladies and blokes had some very good questions, and clearly were learned. (The worst question of the day was directed to me: How many hours AHEAD is Canada? Um, you're from the UK and you're in Italy. That moved you ahead by an hour. Canada is WEST of the UK, which makes it...um, BEHIND Grenwich. And since it's not in the middle of the Pacific... Anyhow. :)) I'm really becoming a curmudgeonly old lady, am I not? This morning on my tour I was chagrined when none of the young girls on the tour had heard of either 1) Brunelleschi; or 2) Elizabeth Barrett Browning. What do they teach these kids these days? Do they not read anything??? Oh well, who cares about this if they are nice people. I think I might even mean that. :) You know, I sometimes wonder if my biggest problem in life is that I have spent too much time learning. I hit a wall quite often. Many people are difficult to talk to - they don't have very much curiosity. On my tour this morning, for example, the girls were more interested in the fashion windows than on the architectural and artistic marvels. Fashion is nice, but it's not Brunell3schi or Michelangelo.

The big thing though is that the library is FANTASTIC!! Pics will definitely come later.

Since I was feeling so down about myself, I did the smart thing just a few moments ago and went out for a run. I ran up to San Miniato to watch the start of the sunset. The good news is that my achilles did not hurt one bit! Wonderful! Not sure how much more I could have pushed it. I really did need those endorphins to help me with my positive thinking/mental work to cheer up. It's a cheap "out" I suppose, but one uses the tools at one's disposal.

Oh! Fifi, it's so funny that you dreamt of M.! Hilarious! I haven't even dreamt of him! He's not back in town until Wednesday so I think I will call him at that time. I will definitely take at least one day to go cycling with him; probably two.

Hope you are all well. I'm off to do the second part of my cheering up bit: eat a good meal. I haven't had time to eat all day (long story) since breakfast, so I'm probably a bit low on all of the good stuff that one needs to remain whole.

:)

Oh! I forgot to tell you the best part: I have decided that I'm going to take at least a month next year to come back here and study more seriously. I have decided, definitively, to change careers. It might not be next year - the plan might take three years to execute - but I'm honestly thinking of trying to do something with my library degree. What I'm thinking is of trying to find an archival studies program in Britain, say (does the British library have such a thing?), and getting a focused degree in that that includes a lot of restoration courses (so that I can start studio-type work; I did one course in book and paper restoration when I was doing my library MLIS).

Of course I would take this plan with a grain of salt, as my idea on the plane a day ago was to go to Africa and do something useful with myself, or train in something useful.

:)

I'm dreaming right now, brainstorming. But when I was in the library of the BI I knew that I had to enter that world for good. I love art and I love books. The two things can be combined. Add to that my experience with numbers and my sharp analysis skills, and I have a good blend of stuff that could be turned into something both beautiful and useful. Economics is just not it for me. Money is important, but living without an anchor around one's neck is more important. I think that my confidence in all areas would be improved if I could do something that gives me more joy. I can learn to live on less, and I'm smart enough to figure out how to make more money. I just have to do it.

So, the future is open. But I'm going to start thinking seriously about how I can get back here or somewhere else next year or the year after (money dependent, of course). I'm going to get a new plan started. There has to be a way to do this.

:)

OK. So that's all for now. Cheers and beers. Or vino, as the case might be!

6:51 p.m. - 2008-09-15

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