enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary
"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh
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Natural
If it seems as though I'm completely obsessed with myself and with photographing myself...you'd be correct!
The thing is that I've been thinking about my photos on the dating site. The honest thing is that I know that men find me attractive in real life. But on the dating site I can see that very few are actually looking at me - very few - and so since all the information they have to go on in deciding whether to open the profile or not is the photo, I'm thinking that...it's my photo. :)
Obviously, no matter what, I'm not one of those women who is going to post a picture of herself in a seductive pose or with cleavage exposed, or whatever. There's no way. I'm not that kind of woman at all, and I don't want to give that impression. To be honest, I find it quite sad when women post aggressively sexy photos of themselves.
But anyhow. Now that I've again revealed myself to be a real prude, I have to tell you that after I got out of the shower and my hair was drying I took a picture of myself that I really, really like. I like it because it's a bit more flashy than I would normally have, but at the same time I am not wearing any makeup or anything. It looks like me just as I look most of the time!
So I'd be interested to know what you think.
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Don't worry though - I'm not becoming obsessed with dating online guys. Honestly, from what I've seen so far, there aren't any guys there who would be even remotely close to a match for me. I'd be better off hanging out at Film Inst!tute events, or going to more readings, or taking a sommelier course. And that's OK. I feel really at peace about these things, and more constructive than anything. The dating site thing is more to put myself out there since I've already paid for it, and also to get a better sense of how men actually perceive me (so I can tone it down :)).
Let's call it an interesting social experiment. :)
At any rate, today I also realized that for sure I should join a bicycle club next spring. I've been enjoying the biking and whilst I'd need to train a bit more to be ready to ride with some of the groups that I saw out today, I'm not far off of where I'd need to be. I'm totally out of condition but with respect to endurance and mental perseverence in athletics, I'm totally the little engine that could. :)
So, it has been a great weekend.
The other thing about taking photos of myself is that I honestly struggle to not think of myself as ugly. Taking photos of yourself forces you to look at yourself objectively and to learn to see the beauty in you just as you are. It's starting to work for me, because I really, really like that top pic of me. It's me how I feel I am in reality, when I'm thinking positively.
So that's about all. I should change the name of this diary to narcissistland. :) But what is a diary if not some sort of a mirroring of ourselves back to us?
You can blame my current calorie-deficient state on the silliness of this entry. I'm heading out to the pub for a Guinness and some more food. I so wish that you could join me and that I could buy you each a drink (or two or three or four - in exchange for a funny story or two, of course)!
|7:10 p.m. - 2008-08-17
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Come al solito - 2011-04-16 unfettered spending - 2011-04-15 How does it go? - 2011-04-14 Whirlwind. - 2011-04-13 bleak that flips over to daffodil - 2011-04-08 |