Photobucket

enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This ragamuffin is Italia bound. I just love the way that that little chick is inching to the right...

Today I actually had a rotten day. I'm going to try not to think about it much.

The thing is that I really couldn't concentrate at work, and I always feel such shame when I'm like that. For whatever reason I just wasn't motivated today, and wasn't interested in what I was doing. Sometimes I can be so efficient...and then other times...

So I felt shame. That's the best way to put it. I had a nice conversation with my librarian friend in the afternoon though after I sort of gave up on solving the world's problems today, and she asked me how I came to have that much guilt. We agreed that her Catholicism and my Anglicanism as children hadn't helped us that much in life in this regard.

So what else? The thing is that my stomach is hurting so much. It's really my lower intestine, but you know what I mean. And I'll admit that I had wheat yesterday and today. I keep on telling myself that I won't do it, but since the gluten tests came back negative I suppose there is a part of me that just HOPES that it's not wheat. I can't tell you how much I love bread. It's, like, my special baking thing as well. I make AWESOME - I mean, world-class - bread. Also, bread-baking with my hands reminds me of my times with my grandmother when I was a little girl. But I suppose I can just bake bread for others...

So to be honest, all day my gut hurt so much it felt like I imagine giant blisters inside would feel or something. I want to be doubled over. I'm going to stop eating wheat again, to see if it abates.

When this happens, I wonder if it causes my anxiety - which clearly I was feeling today if I couldn't quite settle down and concentrate - or if it is caused by my anxiety.

Either way, once and for all - and I apologize for talking about my health all of the time - I need to commit to not wheating myself :), and visualizing success and positive things only. This will deflate any anxiety. I've actually slept well this week, so I had thought that the anxiety was more or less in check.

Oh well! We are works in progress, non?

I got home late, after going shopping. Sadly I need to buy a couple of new skirts after wrecking two - don't ask - and also putting on a couple of pounds that make a couple others just a bit too tight, and it seems a good time to grab something for the fall. I found a beautiful wool skirt but all of I sudden cheaped out and didn't buy it. I'd decided that I wasn't going to buy any more clothes for six months to a year, and I'm trying to stick to that. I suppose that I could go second-hand shopping, but at the same time I unfortunately work at thee most conservative place and seem to always get in the elevator with the king his royal self. I wish it were otherwise but it's not really a thrift-shop chic sort of a place. :) Besides, I need all of the credibility that I can get with the dudes, particularly if an erection is about to be called, as is the speculation in the media. ;-)

So that was ALL of my moaning for today. I'm going to keep busy this weekend and OF COURSE gluten or at least wheat-free only, and I'll be right as rain tomorrow! Oh and I came home today to find flowers and magazines on my doorstep from my landlord again. The old dudes, they like me...

Hope you had SUPER days.

|

10:56 p.m. - 2008-08-15

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next

other diaries:

stepfordtart
ohell
awittykitty
annanotbob
manfromvenus
smartypants
fifidellabon
hungryghost
hissandtell

latest entry

about me

archives

notes

DiaryLand

contact

Come al solito - 2011-04-16
unfettered spending - 2011-04-15
How does it go? - 2011-04-14
Whirlwind. - 2011-04-13
bleak that flips over to daffodil - 2011-04-08