enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Thinking, and yet not thinking.

I'm kind of shocked to say this, but I might actually get to have a REAL sick day tomorrow. My back has been aching all day today and my throat has become sore over the last couple of hours. I'll play it by ear.

Otherwise, I didn't think much about the Paris job today. I'm kind of on the fence about everything. I think I don't really know at all what I need to do next in life, but I don't feel stressed about it. Or rather, I don't feel under the gun to make a change.

Most likely in the next year I will move out of my current job, but right now what I'm trying to do is to exploit it to keep my data skills fresh and to learn as many new programming skills as possible.

I realize that I'm in a kind of enviable position. This is going to sound weird, but I'm really not knowledgeable about computers. I am not a computer geek. In fact, I just want them to do what I need them to do, which makes me very much of my generation (conceived at the very end of the 60s he he, so a bit ahead of the "computer generation"). When I was in university we were still permitted to hand write or type our essays on a typewriter.

When I was in high school, my mother agressively avoided getting a computer.

So when I first had to use a computer I was completely petrified. Fortunately I was thrown into it because all of the courses that I was taking in statistics/econometrics required me to learn to program DOS and to program statistical software in order to run models.

So I have this weird sideways capacity with computers - I can program quite a few different things and completely understand the logic, but I never really develop myself broadly in the IT sense because I really just want the computer to..do what I want it to do.

This means that I want it to analyze large microdatasets, and I want it to word process and process my photos and the like. And nothing more. And I really don't want to fuss with maintenance or anything else. :)

I suppose if someone were to offer me the opportunity to actually study computer science more seriously I would do it. I've always loved math. I just don't get excited about technology for technology's sake. I wish I did.

So what was my point? Oh I guess my point is that today I realized that I have lately been pushing the envelope in my job, trying to learn every bit of underlying programming to a problem that I can.

To this end I call on the computer scientist, although I think in a reasonable way. Whole weeks go by when I do not even talk to the guy.

And this guy is lazy. He is very good at what he does and actually quite nice, but pretty much all the rest of the time he has absolutely no initiative or interest in working. So he surfs and does sports-related things with his friends in the building. About three times a day there is a coffee meeting with sports pals in his office, and he also now has a girlfriend floating around the building and flitting in and out.

So the point of all of this is that today this guy had the nerve to say that I am BY FAR HIS BIGGEST USER.

I think that we get along pretty well and that I'm not too demanding of him, so I asked in order to ensure that I'm not actually ANNOYING him. (I mean, beyond the fact that he would be annoyed by having to do any work.)

It seems that he is not actually annoyed with me, but the way that he said that I'm his biggest user and that NO ONE else comes to ask him questions such as me, made me feel like he was saying, "You idiot GIRL. You have no clue."

Well the thing is that when I come to ask him questions I come to ask him really good questions, and after I've usually worked out the problem about 95% by myself. I usually just need that final push over the top. TOday's question was like that; I'd worked late last night and taken it most of the way along.

So I thought about it for another minute and then it dawned on me: Doh! I'm the ONLY WOMAN in my division. Of course the other people are not asking questions in order to have another guy explain something to them that they don't understand. We must remember that they are GUYS!

(I just can't believe that I am the only one who doesn't know everything.)

Anyhow. That is the end of my discussion for today. :)

I really feel achey. I hope I don't get sick. I started knitting a red cardigan the night before last, with this beautiful Row@n Yarns wool from England that I have had for a couple of years. I just love this stuff. So I think I'm going to make a cup of tea and sit in my special easy chair and work on that.

Have a GREAAAAAAAAAAAAAT evening!

7:34 p.m. - 2008-07-22

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