enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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What a looooong day at the office.

Very, very tired tonight. Very tired of silly people!

People seem to be preoccupied with silly things, getting snitty, holding grudges.

I've turned off my phone. :)

Tonight on my way home from the office tower I stopped to talk to a homeless guy with a disfigured face, old. Sad. I'm quite tired of the world.

For now, I should probably do something to cheer myself up.

Incidentally, I tried on the red dress when I got home. Unfortunately it is so excellent that I just don't see how I can return it. It's kind of a cross between a sheath and a trapeze and it is hot. I've always wanted to own a red dress. I guess now I have one. Oh the guilt. The guilt. I'm going to have to take t's advice and not buy something else, e.g. food. :)

No, not really. But really this has been an extravagant year. I guess what bothers me so much is that it is not for a purpose such as for someone else. I don't want to have children at the moment, but I *get* that it would be much more satisfying to be spending your resources on them, rather than on yourself. Spending on yourself is rather hollow. I'm quite sick of it. I'm quite sick of myself, actually.

I say that last bit in part because I spent an hour and a half preparing and submitting that job application, complete with a description of how I meet all of the requirements, and during that process I just felt tired of myself. I had every qualification and experience that they were looking for. It made me feel old. :) And I hated writing about it. I just can't stand writing details about what I've done.

I remember that BoXx wrote recently that after she writes in her diary she doesn't feel the need to look back. I feel the same way. I get tired of the past. I don't want to remember all of the details of what I've done. What's done is done. I think that that's why I have no idea what my mom did with any of my track uniforms, and why I gave away my prom dresses. Who cares?

Anyhow. TOmorrow I have a date. He sounds nice. He does music of some kind as his passion, he declares, but in his day job is an engineer. He sounds smart and sensible and he writes very well - surprisingly well. He also seems very polite. And god forbid he even looks cute in his pictures. So whatever. I will buy him a drink. Or he can buy me one. Whatever. He won't bite.

And otherwise I am going to draw and organize. I got rid of the computer stuff to the recycling people this morning, and I asked at the United Church about my old running shoes for their collection. They'll take them. I'm going to take my vintage jackets to a vintage store tomorrow, I think. Also, I'm going to arrange to give the rest of the clothes to the Salvation Army or to Diab3tes or something. It will be good to clean out the cobwebs and sort of start fresh.

And of course I need to go to the library to get my readings for my course. I've been deviating and doing too many other readings.

The final thing that I should note is that I tried seriously to be more confident with my boss today. As a result, I managed to say some interesting things. I'm going to work very intensely when he is away so that I can present some good ideas to him when he returns. We have some interesting potential research that we could do.

So that is it! Now I just have to face the idea that I'm going to get offered the other job and then will have to decide between the two. Sigh!

Oh well. Just imagine if I had a difficult life!

I'm going to pour myself a much-deserved nearly-midnight glass of wine. A toast to you all, fine ladies!

11:37 p.m. - 2008-07-11

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