enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was a relief to wake up this morning and realize that I actually *do* still have a job.

Swimmmy - you misunderstood the least successful comment - I was referencing the Mincer joke. It refers to my current salary relative to my years of post-secondary education, and the salaries and levels that I have held previously in the government. I am going in reverse!

OH...I slept too little last night and I am bloated and feeling strange. Must be the running. Or maybe the pasta that I made last night. Maybe I am back to thinking that I have a gluten allergy!

Well, whatever.

I actually woke up this morning in the midst of a bad work dream. Not good! Don't you just loathe the way that the brain takes you down when you are sleeping!?

So late last night I also made the mistake of reading an article on the Gl0be and Ma!l website, and then reading the forum comments about it.

It was about why people are single.

And a whole bunch of smug married people were on there talking about how single people these days are too selfish, picky, and/or defective.

I was so offended.

Sure, people who are still single at a late age may be selfish, and they may be picky.

But I know so many needy and selfish and deficient married people that it genuinely makes my blood boil to have someone categorize single people as exclusively populating such territory.

My mother has been married since the age of 20, let's remember.

Probably the individuals were meaning that the singles have emotional *issues*.

Well bravo to the singles who are trying to work out their issues BEFORE saddling either a spouse or children with them. It's usually the people who deny that they have issues who are the ones for whom you have to watch out.

Well, really, I'm preaching to the choir, here. You know what I mean.

I know full well that I could be married next year, as I could have been married at various points in my past.

But we all know how long those marriages would have lasted, before I ran away screaming from my golden cage.

Yes, yes. That is exactly what I mean.

Oy. So I need to spend the day clearing my body and mind of frustration and work fear.

C. put it in a nutshell the other day: Your problem is that you've never felt that you have a deserved place in the world. You feel like the rug is going to be pulled out from under you. So, all of this fear goes onto your job, since you feel that if you don't succeed at the job it is the clear proof of proposition a.

And of course all of the stress makes it difficult to "succeed" to my standards at my job.

Oh and the environment is toxic.

Anywhooooo. I was talking about how I REALLY don't want to have to go to a counselor to sit there talking about my mother and everything else. I really, actually, never want to talk about my mother issues ever again. I know exactly what those are. I know what I need to do. It's just very difficult to change old mental habits. Very difficult.

The other thing that is difficult to change is that I'm an idealist. This is why I'm doing the Minc3r curve in reverse. I would never take a highly paid job that I felt would bore me or that I felt didn't fit with my values. I have many friends who have jobs like this. Three of them were out on Friday.

I can see the benefits of the higher salaries, but I really don't know how I would get through my days. I don't know if I'm defective on this point. Maybe I should be reconsidering.

Anyhow. That's enough whinging for today! I need to drink some water and try to figure out why I'm so bloated and uncomfortable. Maybe I'll get on my bicycle.

10:12 a.m. - 2008-06-22

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next

other diaries:

stepfordtart
ohell
awittykitty
annanotbob
manfromvenus
smartypants
fifidellabon
hungryghost
hissandtell