enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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wee notes in praise of melancholy

Well C. and I went for a run! And then we had a nice chat.

Still, I don't really feel that much better! :)

But walking down the stairs from C's apartment I realized that, for whatever reason, I'm feeling a bit melancholy at the moment, and that I'm just going to let it be. In praise of melancholy, as they say.

I don't feel despairing or miserable or anything. Just maybe not on top of the world. Maybe it's the fact that Firenze is a bit off in the distance. Maybe it's the job. Maybe it's the paranoid fear that I feel about my head injury (leading me not to sleep, which makes my head heavy - really, there is nothing wrong with me). Maybe it's just a bit of loneliness.

WIth regard to loneliness, I don't really feel like doing anything about it, so I can't be that lonely. I do enjoy my freedom. I don't know what I thought this summer would be like, so I can't even put a finger on what has changed.

I don't know. Maybe it's the not knowing (what I want, how to get it?) that I don't like. That is probably it.

BUt as I said yesterday, I paid for my BI course yesterday! My airline ticket is paid for. My leave is approved. I'm excited. I have my whole life to look forward to, and the next few years could be good.

I think what I need to do at the moment is work super hard at work and feel as though I'm making up some ground on some issues about which I am not expert yet. Those achievements will help me to feel that I am gaining ground. I think that this will help.

OK! I should make some rice or something, and maybe some fish. And asparagus!

Have a lovely sleep!

Incidentally, did I mention that I bought a copy of Wom3n in Love yesterday? I stopped by the library bookstore and got it for a dollar. I was reading an article in the Guardi@n last weekend comparing Ulyss3s with Wom3n in Love and I realized that I have never read Wom3n in Lov3. So I bought the book. I started reading a bit last night.

Like hungryghost, I'm going to train my mind more fully by reading more. More and more and more. Yes, this will be the summer of mind training.

I'm already boring, so why not become EVEN MORE boring!?? ;-)

10:07 p.m. - 2008-06-19

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stepfordtart
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manfromvenus
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fifidellabon
hungryghost
hissandtell