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enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Such a long, long couple of days. Haven't run or seen anything of the big V. (Still don't like Vancouver, actually.)

Hi friends,
Thanks so much for your kind notes.

I have had some fun here, but overall it has been a rather dreadful trip. A number of things turned out very badly, not the least of which my accommodations on the second night (meaning no sleep and so such a tough day of sessions from 8:30-7 p.m. last night).

Lots of longing, lots of pseudo-regret, lots of just hating myself for making so many mistakes in life that I ended up where I am...which is essentially the beginning as I have to figure out what to do next and how to become something I will really love. So many disappointments.

Today I suspect will be a difficult day. I really just want to go to the airport and sit there and wait, but my understanding is that I am going to have to go to a session now at the university and then cab it back with the se and one other to downtown to get their bags. I'll then have to wait for them as they walk around downtown and then we take a cab together to the airport. I suppose I could come back downtown myself and get a shuttle bus, but I don't want to be too anti-social.

Oh and this guy from work is really into me. His friend told me this last night. And I even thought that he was kind of nice. But then I was talking with another guy last night - who happens to be married! - as we were walking back from the pub, and he (the guy who really likes me) was actually SULKING as we walked. I mean, the guy is almost 35.

So....forget it. I am not dating a guy who sulks if I have a conversation with someone else. I don't care if he'd been drinking.

I really really wish that I had had a chance to speak privately with my earlier supervisor (don't know what else to call him), but I saw him only at a distance and talking to important people yesterday. it wouldn't have been the time to go up to him and to thank him for all of his kindness and to tell him that I am sorry for wasting his time. it will have to be by email. I had a good opportunity with that guy - he would really have supported me - but instead I switched to that horrible woman. I was trying to do something in which I was more interested, and also he was going on sabbatical to B3rkeley for a year at the time. So there was some logic to it. Still, I screwed myself over in a big way.

Well I'd better run and catch the bus to the uni. Wish me a safe flight home tonight!

Will catch up with you all when I get home from work Monday night - it will be quick into bed when I get home at 1 a.m. and then I'll be at work tomorrow. Hope you are all well!

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7:35 a.m. - 2008-06-08

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