enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Kind of muddled and confused and puzzled. Uneasy, still. Can't put my finger on it.

Blistery: I tried to leave you a note to thank you for your kind comment, but your notes were not turned on and your guestbook rejected me.

That's one clever guestbook. :)

OK. I haven't even had a sip of alcohol yet. So I think it's time to pour some Chianti.

I still feel uneasy, for some reason. Not sure why. Maybe because the dream of going back is now a reality, and of course I will likely be disappointed in M., the course, the city. I always say that things are never the same way twice.

But then again the ONLY useful thing that Larry taught me is that instead of defaulting to the negative interpretation of something, I could always just default to the *best* interpretation of something.

So, I could always assume/think that things will be even BETTER this next time.

And, really, it's all in my interpretation when I'm there, anyhow. I can make it a great trip, with the application of all of the wonder that I feel as I look at that art, sit in those churches...and literally bathe in my joy. I do that a great deal.

My plants, on the other hand, have had too much sun. They are not bathing in joy at the moment. In fact, I noticed that my fern looks a bit ...charred. More waaaater, please. Poor thing. I get so much sun in my apartment when I am gone during the day. It's quite sad - I've only been back for two weeks and I'm already becoming a pasty office wanker myself. :(

I wish I could feel more cheerful. I suppose that I always get a bit scared before I go on a trip. Silly, I know. It's only Vancouver. And I know that you all will be wishing me well. See, I'm defaulting to the negative/fear again. Not good.

OK. Now I REALLY should pour some wine. It is SOOOO late already. And then I am going to go to bed early, and get up to run in the morning.

OK. That's it for me. I think. I sign off. :)

8:29 p.m. - 2008-06-03

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