enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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I feel a bit uneasy, for some reason, but all will be well. :)

Boxx - I'm disappointed that I didn't get to see the calculators. ;-)

!!!

Oh my. So today I did it.

I did what, you ask?

I bought my ticket to Italy! Sept. 13-29.

My boss came by and said that I could go, so I thought about it and thought that I really could not not go.

So I am going to sign up for the British Inst!tute course for two weeks, and if I need to take a couple of extra days to go biking, so be it.

Speaking of which, M. offers multi-day tours to some people. He makes good money on those. And when I got home today and checked my hotstuff account, I saw that he had written (can't access this account from work) that I should *NOT* book a flight from Sept. 1 - 7, as he'll be away on a tour.

And then I realized: DOH! He could be on longer tours if people book them, for most of the time that I am there. That's OK. I really can't count on him. And I certainly wouldn't want him to skip taking any tours and making money, just because I am there. I am hopeful that there will at least be some cross-over. And if not...that's life.

I'm excited about going to Italy again, at any rate. I know that it's extravagant to take TWO vacations this year, but I didn't really take a vacation in either of 2006 or 2007, and before that I had one in 2004 and one small one in 2005 - and then a whole lot of hell with the diss-gone-wrong and the library-thing stupid degree crushed into one year.

SO...I am not going to feel guilty.

I'll pretend that I just bought and supported a doggie for a year...and then I won't feel badly. :) I will start saving more.

Ah Italy...I can either finish up what I want from you or grow something that could be an ongoing thing. I do love it there. Mid-Sept. should be a good time, weather-wise, too. And of course I'll stay in my cheap accommodation. :)

Which brings me to making more money...I talked to the people at the other department today. They really want me to apply for the higher level competition when they get approval for it, so I could potentially have that in a few months. It will not make me rich, but my salary would jump by about $15-22k. So that is not bad. Can you tell that I am worrying about money, feeling guilty about going away AGAIN this year? I was raised to be guilty and miserable. It's horrible!

Really, I'm just a poor civil servant. But compared with truly poor people, I am certainly not poor. I have no right to feel put upon.

I'm starting to dread going to Vancouver on Thursday, but then I always dread things before they happen and, well, I'll adapt. If you can imagine, the three days are chock-a-block with sessions. I will not have a free moment! Imagine - they want me to work! :) Oy. It will be a long weekend. We all know how much I love economics seminars...Although...there is a very cool series that is on offer called "Keynes at 125." Nothing, nothing to do with my work, but I'm going to go. There's also going to be a famous labour guy from Berkeley whom I've always wanted to see in person. So I will find my fun. I noticed today that the roster is really full and fairly rich this time, I'm imagining because the conference is in Vancouver. Maybe I'll just forget about the econ, put on my shades, and check out the cute guys. ;-) I find being an economist so depressing. Don't you find it depressing that I'm an economist? :) I really should be more of a bohemian ne'er-do-well, butterfly sort of person. Wish me luck!:)

Actually, in all seriousness, I diagnosed my own problem today: I'm supposed to be working on BIG issues, to sustain interest in large, often abstract things. But what I'm personally made for is more one on one. I'm good when I can deal with something very real and tangible to me, and particularly when I'm dealing directly with people and their emotions. (Provided that they don't bug me. :)) I might just be more of a "mercy" vs. "justice" person, and that just is WRONG WRONG WRONG for an economist. I know - you can't have it all. And it just strikes me as I write this, that I forgot to say YES! to Fifi's note about listening. It is true - you can learn a great deal from listening. I think that maybe I try to talk too much these days. Well, not in person, actually. Hmm...

I hope that you've all had good days. I would like to hear about them. Other than buying the ticket today I was rather distracted (understandably), and so I stayed late to assuage my guilt. I still can't figure out something and I loathe leaving the office in that state, but so be it.

THe weather is really crummy here tonight. Wherever you are, I *do* hope that the sun is shining on you, or that you have a lovely sunset to look at, or that you at least have poured yourself a good drink. :)

I have not yet poured a drink, but today I bought a bottle of Chianti to celebrate. So I think I will crack that open and have a glass as I construct some kind of repast.

Cheerio!

7:48 p.m. - 2008-06-03

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