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enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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I think that that's all for my spouting off for today. It was a daffodil day.

Oh my goodness, my friends! You are all so wonderful. Your advice is so beautiful and so generous.

And by the way, Swimmmy, I rather like the idea of being financially impudent! At least you do not suffer from being financially impotent. Me, personally, I specialize in financial imprudence. Well, and impudence. And imputation, actually. Importation I haven't yet managed, though I would dearly love to manage this of someone Italian (along with his financial...instruments). ;)

And I must say that I am so fond of Miss Fifi that I am delighted to have had concurrent Bad Hair Days with her yesterday! ;)

Oh my goodness was my hair ever bad.

It's still not GREAT today - I think it needs to be trimmed again - but it was slightly improved by the fact that I tried out my new blow dryer on it. I look a bit like a muffin head but at least sort of presentable.

Anyhow...

So today was a mightily interesting day.

First, the head head guy over where that woman had been inviting me to come to work emailed me HIMSELF this morning. FIrst he emailed me to tell me that if I wanted to ask him any questions about the work to feel free, as he could perhaps fill in gaps for me. And then, clearly having seen my cv, he wrote this:

"I was just talking with A. about you. You have obviously had an interesting life journey. I have sympathy with your situation. Once one starts asking questions and breaks out of the standard mold, life presents one with so many choices that it is overwhelming. For me, I found that program evaluation is the one thing that I could do that would make the difference in improving the world that we live in. However, I know that it is not for everyone."

Hmmm...So obviously he knows how to get me where it hurts. Of course I want to do stuff that matters!

Honestly, the job that they are offering I would really want. But I told my boss that I would stick around for a while and also WHY CAN'T THEY PONY UP THE MONEY AND THE PROMOTION IF THEY WANT ME?

ARGHHHH....

But then, I had to laugh. You know how my mom always told me that for a smart person I am very stupid?

Yeah, well it's true. I looked at the cv that I had sent over to the woman. I had cobbled it together hastily. My cv has never been overwhelming great, anyhow. I kind of take the underpromise and overdeliver tack in everything, it seems.

But I really had to laugh this morning, as I looked over my cv to notice that I had failed to mention the following very relevant and interesting facts: 1) that I made government's list of young accelerated economists last year (probably didn't mention this as it pains me to have those words beside my name); 2) that I represented Canada as an athlete (seems cocky); and 3) (and regrettably most relevant) that I had a paper published recently from my work at my last job, that is in the EXACT topic area of the job that they want to offer me. I just happened to remember that because I spotted it in one of my personal folders this afternoon. And then I said, "Oh YEAH!"

I had also forgotten that that paper had cool maps in it. I was proud of my maps. They were...cool.

I just hate even thinking about administration. I hate cvs. I hate trying to get what I have earned. I just don't like any of it. I can't stand being the centre of attention. It is almost a phobia!

I mean, really, maybe it is a phobia? :)

;)

I don't know. Anyhow. It is tempting to go over there to work that I know I would love, but I have to have faith that that work will be there in a few months or a year or whatever. I can put in more time where I am and feel as though I gave it its due. And then I can go back. My research brain won't atrophy in the interim.

Yeah, I'm a wanker.

Oops! I forgot - I have to make dinner for C. I promised. Poor dude is going to get seafood risotto and red quinoa, red pepper and pine nut salad. I don't think he even likes risotto. I can't help myself. I haven't heard from M. today. This is good, I think, although perhaps I had hoped to have a message.

No biggie. So I hope that you all had great hair days today!!!

Oh yeah. I had ice cream with my French teacher today. It was our last class and only two of us showed up so she decided that we would go for gelato. And then walking back it was just she and I. She is very nice. Unfortunately I think she actually *likes* me, if you know what I mean. Or maybe it's just that she reminds me of the woman I worked for on the giant tomato farm outside of Bundaberg, Queensland in 1996. THAT woman gave me a clear signal by sticking her hand down the back of my pants.

Yeah, I know. I did not continue working there for long. The next day I made an excuse to get fired and then I ran the 30km back to town. Yes, I know, only I would do that. But whatever sex you are...ICK!

Oh! Another funny story. When I was out with N. last night she kept on saying -after commenting on how great a body M. has on him (it is true, I can't deny it) - that M. must have liked me because I am "so genuine." Must be nice to be so beautiful that you can call other women "genuine." It's probably true. I wouldn't want to be her though, knowing what I know now, sadly - she has all the men after her but she can't find happiness with any one of them. Oh well!

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6:54 p.m. - 2008-05-28

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