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enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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So much to think about. I am so impatient. I must not lose hope though, or waver in my determination to get out of here. :)

Oh lord.

So I ventured out into the Ottawa jungle. (Note: I'm understanding why I never leave my apartment - it's a perfectly rational decision. :))

Note to self: I should only date European men. S. refused to let me pay today. Seems to be a thing. :)

I really have such a negative attitude towards Ottawa these days. Everything seems boring and ugly and horrible. I don't know how I am going to make it liveable for I know that I must. :)

I mean, all of the girls stuffed into too-tight tank tops with bras showing. And people pushing in front of me in the drugstore and not saying, "Excuse me!"

I tried on the orange dress and alas the fit was not good. All of the dresses this season seem to have an a-line on the bottom. But I've figured out that I need a more tailored, stream-lined look as I am too petite. Otherwise I look like a little girl. It just doesn't work. This explains once and for all why my simple sheaths work best. Also, why is it that everyone makes clothes in such cheap fabrics? (I should have bought that black dress in Florence.)

I know the answer. I'm just being grumpy. :)

So meeting with S. was good. He's moving forward on his dream of moving back to Prague. In fact, he leaves on Friday for a month's vacation there during which he is going to look for a job. In the long run though he hopes to do something business-oriented. I used to laugh at him, think he lacked the ambition and motivation to do these things. But I can see that he has the fire. It inspires me.

So he encouraged me to pursue my goals - art and eventually an apartment in Florence. He encouraged me to not set such a long-horizon goal with respect to the apartment. He suggested that I set two years. Realistically I think that it will take me five. (I checked out the prices.) But it is quite possible that I could do it in three, for example, so I should aim for three. How cool would that be? I mean, there are 47 schools in Florence catering to foreign students. I would never be wanting for renters. :)

And who knows - maybe I could become a partner in a biking business. :)

I'm just kidding. I do think that I need to get thinking much more entrepreneurially though, or at least more proactively in a concrete way. I'm going to be doing that with the art courses, for sure. But I can start thinking more concretely about other things that I can do. I have the brains, motivation and persistence to execute a plan. The plan just isn't yet clear. Darn!

It will come. It will come. I really do need to use my energies for something much more productive though. And starting out for sure it is reasonable to start making more money over at the other department!

Oh! I just bought some Kr@zy Glue in order to fix my sunglasses. I dropped them in Italy and the frames broke on one side. On the Kr@zy Glu3 package: Do not use to attach artificial nails.

Those crazy people!

You know, if I think really hard about where I will be in five years, I honestly don't think that it will be Ottawa. I will find a place. It will likely be another place in North America. But you just never know. :)

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5:39 p.m. - 2008-05-25

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