enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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What might have been, what is.

So today on balance was a good day. (Though come to think of it I need to put the clean sheets on my bed. Nothing I like better than to snuggle up in my clean, fluffy sheets!)

It took me nearly 24 hours to recover, but I now feel pretty good. And I made a wicked-elishious shrimp green curry for tomorrow. Yumm! This evening I nearly didn't go for a run with C - my stomach was still jiggly - but I did and of course it freshened me up. Thank goodness for my super legs!

Really, so often in my life I have been thankful for the legs that will take me places, and the arms that can hug!

When I lived in Korea I remember that it was one long meditation. I never spoke much Korean so when I wasn't meeting with businessmen and others - I did a little bit of English teaching on the side - I had no one to talk to. It's kind of a wonderful thing to be thrust into silence for a long time. It sort of cleans out one's mind of all of its clutter.

So anyhow one of the major memories that I have is of going out to run without any timetable. I had tons of time to myself so I just went. Sometimes I'd run up around a lake where there was a resort complex. Sometimes I'd just run out into the country and between the rice paddies.

You know, just like the entry from last night- which I unfortunately deleted in my embarrassed haste this morning (I wish I'd kept it, as I was drunk so it was true and more open than I might have otherwise been) - it amazes me to realize sometimes how much we DON'T fully experience the beauty of moments when we are in them. There is always something wrong in our minds, there is always something about to happen that will ruin things in our minds.

I know, I know, everyone talks about the being present thing, but how many of us actually are. It's like thinking about entering into the dating scene again. If I'm in the past in any way or if I am in the future in anticipating my needs not being met or some kind of loss...there's just no point.

You have to be here. It's the only perfect moment.

I wish I could go back for an hour or two and run through those rice paddies, marvel at their emerald green in the way that I might have done.

11:35 p.m. - 2008-04-27

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