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enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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I have learned my lesson. Hope wounds.

Good lord, I am the world�s biggest idiot. I finally asked the guy more details � he had been relatively silent � and this is what I got:
I could fill pages lol... hmnn.. most important things about me.. how much do you tell a relative stranger.. lol.. but I know you prefer honesty.
besides music, which I have to say is my life blood, is that I have 5 ( listens to the thud as she faints) yes 5 kids. 4 from a previous marriage ( although hardly kids- 22, 21, 18 and 17) and a fabulous 2 1/2 yr old little guy with the woman I live with. His mon.. well it's complicated, but it's a rocky road.. I can tell you more, but it'll cost you. Had enough yet?

I have to tell you that my honest, overwhelming feeling is of disappointment, discouragement, etc. Will no one ever come along who finds me attractive and interesting and who is not crazy?

Ah sigh. I shouldn�t get upset about these things. I guess I just momentarily had felt a glimmer of hope.
I feel as though I'm some kind of cosmic joke - barren woman meets and gets messed with by randy guys again. Or maybe some cosmic joke is being played on me. When will I get a small slice of whatever others have?

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10:43 a.m. - 2008-04-15

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