enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Definitely very, very happy with the progress made this week. An excellent week. A daffodil week.

Just a quick entry.

I think I might try *not* to post an entry this weekend. Thinking and the scarcity principle might be important.

I was just reading Fifi's entry of tonight and it made me laugh. It made me laugh as I worry that I am silly girl.

I AM a silly girl.

But the thing is that I have definitely turned a corner and I am feeling so positive.

This week was the best week that I have had at this job, ever.

I'm not sure if it is that I have decided to go on a trip and so I feel more excited, liberated, whatever...but in general I was more assertive and I felt better about my place there.

Today, for example, the senior guy in all of the research groups asked me in front of my boss if I had planned the mid-week seminar. I said that I had and he said, "It was a good seminar."

It's important to be recognized more broadly around the department, and I feel that gradually I will be so. I'm going to be patient, be myself, and bide my time. It takes time to earn respect and trust.

So there you go.

On the dating front, things are very exciting as well. I'll likely not go on a date with this drummer dude, but even if I do I realized tonight that I'm ready to be a Fifi! I'm ready to be a confident, nonchalant dater.

And for the first time ever, when I was thinking about this drummer guy I was thinking - in all sincerity - that I deserve a truly excellent guy in my life. I would be willing to give a range of guys a chance, but I will not settle for a wanker!

Progress!

There really are many guys who like me. The problem is that some of them are older, some of them are married (bad, not going there), and some of them just don't know it yet!

:)

That's all.

I'm going think a toast to all of you wonderful ladies who have offered me so much kindness and encouragement along the way. I feel in some ways as though i have gotten over some kind of a hump, and now the progress is quite rapid. It can't be hurting, as well, that health-wise I think I have uncovered my problem. I really feel soooo much better now that I have eliminated wheat. I feel a kind of clarity in my body and in my thinking that is marvelous. I had felt in a fog all winter and was wondering if I was losing my marbles...

So there you go. Here's to all of you!

EB

Off to download books from Project Gut3nberg and drink a toast to each of you. Books and kind people together constitute life, don't they?

:) PS Fifi, incidentally, the drummer dude plays in a celtic band. I'm quite interested to learn more of his story, actually. He wrote me some interesting stuff today about having been in law school, blah blah... I declined the Guinness offer for this week but if I see him at the charity next week I will size him up. :) I think the key will be to date like a guy and date many until I find someone interesting. There simply has to be someone interesting who would like me. I am not so bad, analysis and all. Something about things that you have been saying, all of you, has me realizing that I need to think less and just have fun...and face the world realizing that all is possible. I think that blighty made me realize that I've been waaaay overcomplicating things! I feel good things coming... ;)

11:00 p.m. - 2008-04-11

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