enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Canceled my run, eating potatoes, and enjoying the sun through my window. About to read a book, start drawing!

OK. So today so far has been a good/useless day!

I woke up late, feeling a bit groggy. But there was a good piece on the radio so I enjoyed that.

And then I spent a couple of hours going through my wardrobe - trying on old spring/summer clothes, recombining things.

And I realized - DOH! - I DO NOT NEED TO BUY ANY CLOTHES.

That is my goal for this year. No clothes buying. I have plenty of good and decent clothes and I have the creativity to play with what I have. I HATE about myself that I feel the need to buy more stuff. I know that that is partly a good impulse and partly a bad impulse - partly bad because I feel guilty about being nice to myself (e.g. hotel vs. hostel in Italy). I was brought up with a lot of guilt, as we know.

But at the same time, I do believe that I am too obsessed with feeling inadequate unless I am wearing an outfit of which I approve. There is a balance to be struck. My goal for this year is to not buy any additional clothes of any kind, except for a better racer-back bra and some undies, and to make do/be creative with what I have.

That's a boring topic, I realize. But it's like deciding to never again colour my hair - I need to let go of things that I don't need in order to be me. I need to let go of a lot of things.

I think that that is it! I burned some potatoes. My stomach is bothering me again - started last night. I ate oats yesterday so I'm not sure if that is why. I also ate a fair bit of dairy so maybe there is an issue there, too. Who knows. Quite discouraging. I felt great all week though - Monday through Friday - so maybe it's just the stress that I feel as I realize that I have to go to work again soon, that the weekends are so short. I've bought myself a good anxiety audio book so perhaps I should go through that now. Yes, yes I think I will.

Have a GREAT day!

2:33 p.m. - 2008-04-06

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