enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Babbling again!

OK. I know myself well enough that I knew that if I didn't book things I would change my mind and not go. A friend of mine even made the point today.

SO I took the cajoling on and I booked the flight for the 5th through the 17th. I also booked the hostel for the equivalent nights. By booking the hostel instead of the intended hotel, I saved between $1000 and $1500. Can you believe it.

Fifi, I figured that that is a lot of shoes!

Well anyhow. I was initially thinking that I would want to curl up in a beautiful hotel. BUt then I started thinking that because I am by myself and am likely to be out all the time - and if I am not I deserve to be punished - so it is quite a waste. I have spent my life traveling and staying in hostels. When I was running and wasn't good enough to get much support at major races, I would cheap out and stay at pensione and hostels. I am an expert at sleeping with an eyepatch and earplugs and still getting up on time!

The worst thing thta can happen to a person is that something gets stolen. But to be honest, I've never had anything stolen in a hostel. ANd I think it's pretty unlikely that in a female dormitory in Firenze I'm going to encounter my first instance of a woman cracking open a locker in a hostel. TO be honest, I expect only to meet generally interesting people, if slightly younger ones. That has always been how it is. And in any event I like to meet and talk to different people from different places.

Of course you wouldn't catch me in a mixed dorm. Girls and guys coming in and doing bumpy things in the night is not something I'm OK with being in the room with at this point. To be honest, it probably wouldn't even bother me. But I wouldn't invite having to listen to it. I'm actually such a passive and easygoing person in some ways. It surprises even me.

I stayed in a hostel/pensione the lsat time that I was in Italy - in 2000 - and I must admit that even though the owner wasn't particularly nice the rooms and showers and things were clean. I met a really nice Ph.D. student originally from Germany and then from Australia, and she and I did an awesome tour together from Firenze to Rome. I quite liked her. We wrote post cards back and forth for a number of years. I also remember having dinner with a nice big group of girls whom I met there. Meh. I'm open. What the heck. And they mostly all always think that I am 28. I just can't fathom it myself with the wrinkles and the ashiness of my hair these days, but for some reason they all think I'm young. I won't make a fuss. :)

THe hostel even includes breakfast, which 421 people on hostel3urope rated as excellent. The place is about a block from where I stayed the last time, if you can believe it, so that's also interesting.

The other thing I figure about this is if I go to Lucca for the day and decide to stay, I don't need to feel badly about wasting the money on my bed at the hostel. No biggie. And if I decide that I want to pick up and go to Venice for three days or something, no problem either.

The only problem that I encounter when I do one of my crazy EB trips is that...I completely lose myself in being...lost...and I don't want to come back. I always used to end up paying through the nose to change my plane tickets and stay just that extra week more. This time that won't be possible, since I must work, obviously. So the thing is that I"m going to pretend that I am coming back on the 14th, and then I will surprise myself and look at my ticket and say, "Whoa! I get three more days!"

:)

I know. I'm silly.

The only final decision that I need to make is on the third bike tour. I'm doing a wine tour on the 10th (on bicycle), a tough Amazing Ride on the 11th, and the alternatives for the fun "food" rides remain the 8th and the 13th. Do I go on my birthday or do I spend my birthday in the Accademia?
Choices! Choices!

Speaking of which, I think I need to go to the antiquities library in Venice. I will need to go to Venice for a day. I have always wanted to see some of those manuscripts. I like architectural manuscripts in particular. Did I ever tell you that I got let into Bishop Wr3n's private office in St. Paul's Cathedral? Magic. Just magic.

Life is magic. Fifi said it is sweet. And it is. But it is also magic.

I was speaking with my landlord last night, as I wrote. It's really quite comical. He's the perfect guy for me. ONly he's old and out of shape and he has the gout. He gets me. We have the most interesting conversations. He's also a good painter. I'm just completely repelled by him otherwise. Dommage!

:)

Anyhow. In my conversation with the proprietaire last night, I remarked on how everyone complicates everything - how simple and animalistic we really are. It can all be so simple. But we don't want to peel away the layers.

I realized a long time ago, for example, that I don't really need pretty much any stuff to be happy. If I were to get rid of everything in my apartment tomorrow, I'd initially be sad and then I just wouldn't care.

OK. Until I needed to make dinner and realized that I didn't have a fork or something.

BUt you know what I mean. I often feel deprived of my books, but if I had only a few books I could still be happy. We just need to be warm and fed and loved. It's pretty cool.

I was thinking, and it sort of came out in my conversation last night, that people's motivations are so transparent. And in a way that's such a beautiful and liberating thing, for it's the solution to everything.

Sure, there is greed and there is vanity and there is jealousy and anger yadda yadda.

But really, all it all boils down to is that everyone except the people who are sick beyond repair simply wants to be loved. Everyone wants to give and receive love. It's what motivates everything. People are only jealous and angry when they fear the withdrawal, or hurt from the absence of love. Or at least that's how I see things. And vanity is of course exactly the same thing - a false control tool to ensure the presence of love. It's all the same thing.

I think that if we're all honest we can look around us at people as they do things and know exactly why they're doing what they're doing. If we look we will see.

So I don't know. What am I saying? I guess I'm saying that I feel pretty darned lucky to have what I have. I don't want for more. Oh, except for the lonelies to go away sometimes. It is true, there are some dudes missing out. I think the dudes are scared of me. And well they should be. :)

HA!

I'm a crazy one. Can you believe that I slept only 5 hours last night. I was such a bad girl. But I was so productive and thinky today, because I was happy. Let it continue!

I'm just hearing now that B3rnanke stated today that a "recession is possible" in the US. What a puppet. YOU'RE IN A RECESSION. I love the toying with definitions that central bankers do to satisfy their masters. Yeah, yeah, the "textbook" definition of a recession is two consecutive quarters of negative growth in GDP. But the thing is that ya might want to take a look at GDP per capita, dude. Think about it.

I'm speaking to you, Bushy.

7:39 p.m. - 2008-04-02

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