Photobucket

enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Life's a series of rolling hills.

Oh friends. It is a sad day. I think I have celiac disease (i.e. gluten problem) and therefore will have to stop eating my favourite bread.

This is not confirmed but it seems likely. I've told you that I've had massive gut problems in the last year. I had thought it was IBS and that I was just stressed. But I was literally doubled over yesterday and last night as I was tour-planning, and horrible this morning. I cut out all wheat today and I was back on track. I feel completely normal this evening, which is shocking to me given that I wanted to die this morning - I nearly didn't make it to French.

SO I know that this is weak evidence to go on, but if I can eat a full dinner of lamb chops and salad and nuts and so on and feel completely not swollen and not sore in a matter of hours...smacks of allergy to me.

And this has been happening a great deal.

When I was a little girl I had so many allergies, food allergies included. To be honest, I'm even wondering if food allergies have been contributing to some of my issues with mood and anxiety. How can one feel good if one's gut is hurting and one cannot eat?

OY. Anyhow. In a way I hope it is merely gluten, because frankly I'd like to find a solution. I've been pretty miserable physically in the last three months or so. I try not to write about it as it is rather depressing.

So I got a note back from the cutie biking dude! Unfortunately, as I should have guessed, his tours are pretty full until the 11th of May and later. This means that I should push my trip off slightly. But how cool to still be in Italy on my birthday if I stay a few days longer or move by a week or something! How cool! I think that that could be rather special. I will see. He told me about the ride that he would take me on - with an American couple who have already booked, and he said it is one of his favourites in all of Italy. I must go!

I'm so excited. So I need to book a few extra days of vacation with my boss tomorrow and then to book the flight and hotel tomorrow night! I'm going to Tuscany. My sketchpad and I! I'm quite happy about this. I need it.

I had the worst day ever at work today. I may not get my promotion this month, which I had sort of expected. They do not have to guarantee me a review there because I have not yet been there for six months. In fact, my boss said that I am not entitled to one but he is going to try to get one. I realized in that moment that I could be one of two things: 1) sad; 2) indifferent. I could choose. I could choose to not take it personally and to not feel anything. It is only money. I could move into another position at another department and move two levels up. They'd offer me two levels up at my old department.

So if they will not promote me by September at least, I will simply move. I will tell my boss this in the next week. And, frankly, what do we know that I want to do? Move the heck out of that department.

The stupid thing is that I am in a really tough job. I am doing the job of someone many levels above me, and in fact most people at my level would never have the potential to even do the work that I do. So, rationally, I just got stuck in a bad position. I could get mad about all of the people I know who are in higher positions around me and who don't know their asses from page four. But life isn't fair. I got a boss with whom I can't communicate well, and I got a group of people with whom I don't fit. That's it.

That's all I'm going to say about that. I'm just not going to let myself get upset. And I'm also just not going to let myself think about it enough that I will cancel my plans to take a vacation and to honour the hard, hard work that I have done this year.

So that's it. Oddly, I feel as though I am finding a new voice in myself. I want to hear this new voice more often.

Sleep well!

|

11:15 p.m. - 2008-03-31

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next

other diaries:

stepfordtart
ohell
awittykitty
annanotbob
manfromvenus
smartypants
fifidellabon
hungryghost
hissandtell

latest entry

about me

archives

notes

DiaryLand

contact

Come al solito - 2011-04-16
unfettered spending - 2011-04-15
How does it go? - 2011-04-14
Whirlwind. - 2011-04-13
bleak that flips over to daffodil - 2011-04-08