enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Ominosity

Yes, you read correctly. It was a horrible day!

I'll spare you the details of the work stuff that went wrong. Rest assured that much did, right from the beginning.

The funny part of the day though came later on, when I thought I had really stuffed something up and so stayed at work until 7:30 to run the thing again. After it was over, and I was pretty much the only person in the building other than security, I got in the elevator. As one does.

But one does not get stuck in the elevator in an office tower! I was petrified! It started buzzing and went down two floors. It then stuttered UP again two floors, one by one, and stopped at mine - the 16th. At that point, I was obviously feverishly pushing buttons. And they didn't work. I was about to give up when the elevator gave another jolt and a buzz, and dropped down another couple of floors. I kept pushing the open button and THANK GOODNESS the doors opened and I got out. I had never thought that I'm a claustrophic...but apparently I am one.

So...I decided to take the stairs down the remaining 14 floors. I started walking. I've never taken the stairs all the way down in this building, since someone had told me that you can't get all the way down, exactly. Well somehow this is actually sort of true and I ended up stuck on the fourth floor. I walked back up to the 5th floor, and, and I joke not, the 5th had a sign on it saying that access was only available from 5 to floors a, b, c, d (9th, 15th, 20th?).

At this point I JUST WANTED OUT!

I opened the door to floor 5, hoping that it wouldn't lock behind me or some such horrible, dreadful, ridiculously ominous thing - at this point I was thinking of sleeping in my office - and found myself on a kind of half-floor.

Seriously. It was like being in B3ing John Malkovich or something, except without Catherine K33ner and John Cus@ck.

Shudder.

I did make it out, needless to say, since I took the risk of calling an elevator on the half-floor and got what must have been a *different* elevator. I made it out! Clearly!

So after that I decided to just bite the bullet and walk over to the mall to buy some jeans. I proceeded to discover all over again that I do not have a body that fits normally into jeans. If they fit my thighs I could fit another waist and butt in them. If they fit my butt and legs they are too short and my size never comes in a "long." So then I go up a size for the "long" ones, and I look like I, uh, dropped something in my pants. (My apologies for the imagery.)

Of course it is just the cheap jeans that do this. I know that if I were to go into the designer store I could find a $200 pair that would fit. But I've sworn off spending money on casual clothes. Work clothes with a long shelf-life, fine. Jeans, no. I really don't understand though why the cheap ones don't exactly knock off the expensive ones - they're alway misshapen.

See, I'm really getting old.

OH! OH! You're going to be amused by this. The other "what else can happen to annoy me today?" thing that happened today - other than a call from a guy who wanted to spend an hour and half on the phone with me recoding a model one tedious bit after another- is that the poet scientist wrote to tell me that he'd broken up with his girlfriend on Sunday.

And you see, what he actually did was break up with his girlfriend when she called him from Japan, where she is on government business. WHO BREAKS UP WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND OF NEARLY A YEAR WHEN SHE'S ON A BUSINESS TRIP?

I mean, tacky! But the funny - sad - part is that he said to me, "It was difficult. I think I was brave, since it would have been so easy to keep going."

DUH YEAH - You've been hitting on me for months, whilst telling me that she's nice to you.

Stupid, stupid, man.

So after the "I'm brave, feel sorry for me" speech I must admit that I actually wrote back something of the truth. I was nice about it, but I basically told him that if I were going to hold an honourary parade it wouldn't be for him - who took advantage of this woman who really grew to love him, wasting a year of her aging ovary life when he knew he wasn't marrying into her, and then dumped her over the phone - but for her for her escape. I think that there should be a Hallm@rk card for that:

Hallelujah, girlfriend, Free At Last!

Honestly, this guy is all about the "honour," so I feel perfectly justified in being self-righteous and indignant.

Did he expect me to, uh, come over?

Oh, in positive news - yes, there was one tidbit - Dan finally emailed me to apologize for not being in touch and to tell me that he's missed me. It was a very sweet email, actually, but so guy-like. I wish I'd copied it.

I had criticised a comment that he had made about *me* being too analytical to find a boyfriend. He had taken it as a criticism of him, wholesale, as a friend. Seriously, what is wrong with boys???

OK. I think I've had my fill of kvetching. Oh no, here's the text of what he actually wrote: "I happened to be browsing the s@rtorialist today and I couldn't help but think of you. I do miss you and I hope that everything is all good in your life right now. I know I owe you an explanation for why I haven't spoken to you in so long. This might seem oversimplified, but I was really angry at an email in which I felt you said I was a poor friend to you - and it happened after what I thought was a really fun night out at the art gallery. When I read that email I just felt like nothing I did/said was good enough for you and, although I still did (and do) adore you, I realized that it was probably best if I just didn't try to say anything to you at all, given that most of what I seemed to say offended you (to some degree at least). It has been more than a month, and I have talked to people about you (former ___ colleagues, the C's Aid folks) and the more often that happens, the more I realize I miss you. There, I said it. That's all I wanted to do." :) So we now completely understand why I do not have a boyfriend - I honestly think that I am just, well, honest; they, however, think that I'm crazily critical! Oops!

Oh. Whilst at the mall I did not get any jeans. I did, however, get two DVDs for $20 - Etern@l Sunshine of the Spotl2ss Mind, and Br3akfast at Tiffany's.

I think I'll just start wearing garbage bags for clothes, or start sewing stuff for myself again. Or not. Trousers will work. I will go and buy more trousers, and give up on jeans. See, this I don't get. Trousers fit me perfectly, because of the ease in the legs. They also always make them long enough, I guess because people wear heels with them. OH, except B@nana R3public. Their pants are always 2-3 inches too short on me. What is up with the pant people?

Pants are bad. I'm starting finally to understand why I see so many women walking around in yoga pants. I hereby declare it the year of the skirt.

And if you want to konw that the world is coming to an end, go to your mailbox as I did mine, this morning, and find this in it: "Hey EB, I just wanted to thankyou for shopping with us at ____! I hope your enjoying your new T_____ B____ wool cashmere jacket! It really looked fantastic on you! Don't forget to Dryclean the jacket! Hope to see you again, soon, from, L___"

Abstracting from the grammar and punctuation, I DON'T OWN A WOOL-CASHMERE JACKET. I'm pretty sure, as a result, that it 1) didn't look great on me; 2) doesn't need to be drycleaned. :)

Honestly though, that is really not THE signal of the end. That came when B3ll Canada started sending me cards that actually look like cards that a friend might have sent, in order to woo me back - NOT - to their service. So sad. Forests, people. Forests!

10:04 p.m. - 2008-03-25

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