enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Well at least I don't have the mumps. This I can say is true. I think I need to start drinking though.

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I could NOT work today. I feel like crap. I think I'm getting a cold. More pertinentely though, I'm feeling mentally crap. Not good.

I had an anxiety attack in the middle of the night. Imagine that!

And then I felt cross and horrible all day - in part because I'm tired, in part because I'm discouraged and annoyed, in part because the stupid winter will never end...

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

So I read newspaper articles, had a meeting, and then went to my French class. When I got back to work C. sent me a quieting email to get me to at least sit there and read newspaper articles. Not my job, but better than sitting there feeling sorry for myself, and at least related in subject to my work. I need to light a fire under my ass tomorrow.

Do you know what I think? I'm in full-on self-sabotage mode. I feel so cross and irritated that I want to quit my job. This would not be helpful or productive. I need to get perspective again. In so many ways I have found peace with myself and then a day like today happens!

Very discouraging.

The one rather nice - clouds are parting - thing that happened today is that somehow I psychically knew that there would be a copy of Vill3tte in my library bookshop. I imagined that there would be one when I was thinking of the book last week, and then I didn't go to the lunchtime reading. Today I went to the lunchtime reading, and even though the little bookshop in the basement of the library has a literature section that is only three tiny shelves long, lo, there was a copy of Villette on the shelf for $1. It was like magic.

Even more magical was teh fact that I had a looney in my wallet and therefore didn't have to be told by the cute old ladies manning the little money box (really, they had a money box; must be a ladies' auxiliary or something :))that they couldn't break a twenty (which is all I had, otherwise).

The funny thing was that one of them looked at the book and said, "Oh, Charlotte Bronte." And the other one said, "I haven't read that one." And I said, "It's a great one. And it's exactly what I was hoping to find. Isn't that great?" And the two little old ladies beamed with pleasure.

So there you go. That's it. And then I crossly francaised my way through French class. Gosh I sucked today.

And then I did my good deed and took a book of Maupassant and a pot of tulips to my landlord to cheer him up.

C'est tout. I'd better throw some food in the oven. C. is coming over and I promised him the manly meal of chicken drumsticks, oven-fried potatoes, and salad with goat cheese and olives. Seriously, that's what he asked me to cook.

Adieu, fair ladies. Get better, dear Fifi!!!

6:22 p.m. - 2008-02-20

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