enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary
"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh
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You don't say, yah?
Rand9m Hous3 book jacket: "Villette! Villette! Have you read it?" exclaimed George El!ot when Charlotte Br0nt�'s final novel appeared in 1853. "It is a still more wonderful book than Jan3 Eyre. There is something almost preternatural in its power."
"...Bront�'s strikingly modern heroine must decide if there is any man in her society with whom she can live and still be free."
:)
Oh lordy.
You guys are going to like this.
I went to the food bank thing with A. Unfortunately though we ended up waiting in someone's car for an hour and the guy who was supposed to come to open up the warehouse never arrived.
A. and I had an interesting conversation about hobbits in the meantime, however.
:)
So here's the thing.
The woman who owned the car in which we were sitting offered to drive A. (aka the poet scientist) and I back to downtown, which was very kind of her.
The funny part is that this woman was basically M@rge from F@rgo. I do hope that you are familiar with that movie, as it's pretty much the only thing that makes this story amusing.
So the woman starts driving us downtown. (Incidentally, she works for the Canadian Bord3r Guard, which makes this even more amusing.) And the first thing she asks us - and I'm not joking - is, "So, sorry for asking this, but are you two shacking up?"
Choke. Cough. Splutter.
ACK!
"Uh, no."
"No, eh."
:)
And then A. and I get dropped off downtown and as we're standing on the street corner he tells me that his girlfriend is going away for basically two months and that during that period they've decided to take a break/reassess where the relationship is going. I.e. Is this the person with whom he wants to spend the rest of his life and have a family?
UGH.
Yes, you heard correctly.
I must be psychic or something, because this is exactly the thought that I had last night as I was running back home after dropping A. off.
To be perfectly honest, I have to chalk up my sensitivity to intuition. My new running partner and A. are old friends from university. They're very close.
And every time he comes up in conversation when I'm running with her she refrains from saying a word about his girlfriend, even when it would be appropriate to say something.
I think she's privy to the fact that he likes me.
I'm pretty sure that he's always liked me.
He's classy enough not to be an idiot about it, but still it's there.
So what do I do about it?
Fifi, here's the story.
I met A. a year and six months ago, just after I moved to Ottawa. I actually met him online, but it turned out that we worked in adjacent buildings so we started seeing each other from that.
We went on four dates. The first two were OK. The third was really fun. On the third he brought me the gift of a copy of P&P, since I'd mentioned that I had left my copy with my mother.
And then on the fourth date he started getting gushy and writing me poetry and telling me that he was falling in love with me.
TOOOOOO much.
Particularly since he had only been separated from a ten year marriage for four months or some other ridiculousness, and in fact his wife and he hadn't yet even agreed on a divorce. She basically had just decided not to move to Ottawa as they had originally planned.
You can see why I wasn't interested, I hope.
He's a wonderful guy. And I think I kind of knew that his current girlfriend came along for him at the right time for him.
But does this mean that I find that attractive?
I do not find it attractive that someone would be with someone and have this other person fall desperately in love with him - she is - without the consciousness that a certain amount of fear and rush went into the union in the first place. For all of my faults the one thing that I have always prided myself on in love is that I've never entered any union but to give rather than take. I've never wanted to need rather than want someone.
Anyhow. It's not over between them yet, in any event. But I can tell you for sure that if I ever date him again it's going to be after a significant waiting period. If he does break up with that girl I'm going to tell him at least six months. If he still wants to date me after six months then I'll look into it. :)
I know that that sounds harsh of me but I feel really uncomfortable about this. He's a wonderful guy and in many ways I'd be stupid not to give him a chance.
But perhaps you understand.
The only thing that I object to about him otherwise is that he lacks a bit of the gentility to which I am accustomed. I know that that is an awful thing to say, but at least I'm being honest. He's a little bit socially awkward, he speaks too loudly and he dresses horrifically.
Those are very small things, really. He is intellectually very sophisticated and he is a genuinely kind and loving person. He is very special. Whatever happens I will be rooting for him. (Maybe not with him but for him. ;-))
I don't think he is the "one."
But I've been both wrong and stupid before, so I suppose never say never is in order.
OK. I'm freezing and stupid. I've had a stupid day.
I really was stupid today. I'm tired and my pants are too tight (darn muscles from cycling; I need to buy some new jeans). :)
Time to loosen up.
|7:27 p.m. - 2008-02-11
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Come al solito - 2011-04-16 unfettered spending - 2011-04-15 How does it go? - 2011-04-14 Whirlwind. - 2011-04-13 bleak that flips over to daffodil - 2011-04-08 |