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enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Late night, hungry, sort of working my way through the morasses

Oy.

First, Fifi, thanks for your kind suggestion! I would really enjoy kicking some butt with you. Very amusing would that be!

Actually, the problem is that the senior economist is in charge of a number of the projects. He's a very good programmer but his shortcoming is that he programs very fast but never THINKS about the underlying modeling very carefully.

I'm the opposite. I have fewer years experience - and less passion for - programming, but I think think think (we know this already :)) about problems until I work out for myself what is the real underlying issue (and how best to solve it).

The problem is that the senior economist always crushes his way in like a bull in a china shop. Unfortunately I pretty much always have to work jointly with him. He pushes his way in, starts programming the crap out of something and then...I come in and say, "Wait!"

He hates listening to me.

Yesterday, for example, he came into my office to la la about what a great job he was doing programming this stuff. In the process he told me that he had created 150 variables, times 3 or 4 or something for different class variables. I'm not sure.

Anyhow. So I say, "Gee, I really don't think you need to create any new variables. I think you can create a weight based on _ _ _ _ and go from there."

But of course he knew better.

And OF COURSE in actuality he did not.

I showed him what I thought was better, he eventually started doing it...and...

do you think he told my boss about my innovation when he sent the outputs?

Uh no.

Every f___king day is like that.


The issue is that it is just. not. in my personality to go to my boss and say, "Oh! oh! I came up with a great weighting idea for big boy over there! (And I could do a lot more if he would actually listen to me from time to time.)"

I simply HATE the feeling of feeling like a petty, self-congratulatory person. I LOATHE self-marketing.

So the thing is that I've decided that, like in every job, I'm just going to quietly idle by. As I get more projects that are exclusively my own my thinking and innovation will reveal themselves.

That's the way that things always go for me. And after 4 or 6 months or so people really know what I'm capable of.

I've only been there for 2 months. Can you believe it?

Gosh I hate it so much it feels like an eternity.

On my way to French class today - the only redeeming part of the job - I decided to myself that I'm out of there. I'm going to start looking for other jobs.

By the end of the day this feeling had moderated significantly, but I'm going to leave the possibility of moving again in 6 months wide open. I simply am not going to feel like this for an extended period of time.

Oh! One more catty story. Do you know what irks me the MOST about the senior economist?

He always takes my writing and changes it. And the problem is that he is a francophone with not great written English, so he annoys the crap out of me when he changes something that I've written very well and then instead of checking back with me to see if I agree iwth the language...he of course sends it to the boss. In these instances he'll add my name and say that I helped. The problem is that I find it SO humilating to have my boss think that I saw his grammatical mistakes and yet did not correct them.

The guy really annoys the crap out of me.

But again, I'm going to bide my time. If things haven't improved in a couple of months I'm going to tell my boss that this in particular is happening. Oh, heck, maybe I'll tell him sooner. I CANNOT stand people at work thinking that I cannot write decently.

Anyhow. Those are the complaints.

Oh, except that blond Barbie woman seems to have taken an interest in me or something, because tonight she walked by and INTERRUPTED me again as I was fixing a model. It was 7 p.m. and I was tired and hungry and I CANNOT STAND IT WHEN IRRELEVANT PEOPLE INTERRUPT ME.

That's horrible of me, non?

I think I'm going to have to tell her to leave me alone if this keeps up.

I don't think the woman has ever heard of the concept of introvert, of which I am one.

At least at work. :)

The other funny bit of news is that I saw cute cycling guy online on the online dating site last night. I somehow had a feeling that he had seen me online and yet didn't want to say anything.

Anyhow. When I read his profile I got quite turned off. It sounded very bitter and tired. He sounded uptight. I don't think he's the guy for me. This I think I'd already figured out on Saturday.

I didn't tell you something quite funny, actually.

There's a guy in my spinning class who has shown up a few times and who is chubby and bearded. He doesn't complete the whole class and he totally wouldn't be my "type" in any way, except that there's something about him that gives a really positive vibe. It got me thinking that the kind of guy who is going to interest me could come in any range of packages. It's really the character and humour and passion that I'm looking for, not the right stats and the right "look."

Maybe I got lucky this time.

:)

OK. I should go and eat something. I did not have a chance to eat. And I was Frenchie-ing all afternoon so I did not eat then, either. I talked all about festivals in Quebec this afternoon for my presentation. The teacher seemed quite tickled that I am so passionate about Bonh0mme and the little fishies at Ste. Anne de la Perade. :)

C'est moi! I really am quite in love with ice canoeing, drunken people enjoying winter activities, night parades with giant voyageur snowmen, and little seaway cod caught in a hut on the ice in the middle of the night. :)

Oh! One more thing. It's only the end of January - I only made it through one month - and I broke down on my no shopping thing. So far this month I had bought exactly one book and no clothes or other "stuff." Last night I bought a dress. It was on eb@y and it was cheap at $52. Somehow I managed to win, I think because no one was up at that time. It is pink. Well, dark raspberry. I just snapped. I wanted something pretty and inspiring. As long as I am at this job I doubt that I will be able to keep myself from shopping. :) Anyhow. That is my clothing budget for January and February, so now I have to wait another month. I'm going to be a good girl this year if it snaps me. :)

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9:08 p.m. - 2008-01-30

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