enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Oh to know one's faults. :(

I just got in. It's 1 a.m.

I went to the gallery opening. It was a bit subdued and Dan brought a girl along whom I didn't know and so I had to make small talk. She was a very nice girl but in general I don't like having to make small talk by surprise.

I'm kind of grumpy right now because Dan told me something that really hurt. It hurt because I know that he told the truth, that he likes me anyway, but that the truth is what is holding me back from having more in my life, and that will hold me back forever because I can't change who I am.

It all boils down to me being overly analytical.

We were joking about how men really just want a woman who is pretty and cheerful. And Dan said that he wouldn't really describe me as cheerful. HE said that I'm cheerful some of the time, but the rest of the time I'm serious and analytical.

What he said next really got to me. He said that he'd get an email from me on Monday saying, "I've been thinking about what you said on Friday."

And do you know what? He's probably right. This is what Larry branded me with: too much thinking, too much analysis. I do that to everyone in my life. I think and then I share my thoughts.

No one will ever want to be with this person! It's the key to my spinsterdom!

And sigh, I don't think I can change this. I want to change this. How can I change this?

This makes me so sad.

SIgh. I shoudl go to bed. Unfortunately my stomach is really bothering me (cheese, unfortunately, I think). I hope I can sleep. I have spinning in the morning. :)

Off I go.

1:22 a.m. - 2008-01-19

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