enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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another day I wish I hadn't had.

Oh lordy, nothing to say.

Today was a really horrible day. (Don't worry; I'm not depressed. I'm just not elated!) Something happened so fast and I couldn't keep up with what was going on with the team (inexperience and so on) and really couldn't contribute.

Instead of being a normal person, however, as usual I took from it that I'm "terrible, horrible, no good, very bad..."

Sigh. I so need therapy.

I stayed at work until almost 8 p.m. to finish something else that I could show my boss, but mostly I think I should just start over tomorrow and resolve to start with greater confidence. I need confidence. Can you guys send me some self-assurance through the mail.

In other news, I bought the dance ticket from the girl today, but then all of the otehr girls ended up bailing for various reasons and so unless I go by myself I am not dancing tonight.

Honestly, in principle, I have no problem going by myself. If it were Friday or Saturday night I would almost certainly go (and brave the boys trying to hit on a girl there by herself). But Thursday night at 10 p.m is really pushing it when I have to work tomorrow. I was going to make an exception.

Anyhow. So I'm not going dancing. I'm actually having a glass of wine, since I think that that is almost what I need most. Seriously, work really SUCKS.

I'm going to stop talking about it.

I don't know what to do now. I can't run or cycle if I have alcohol in my system. So tonight I suppose will be spent reading or watching a film. It's all OK. I will be fine.

Nothing funny to report. There was nothing funny about today. It was ugly, plain and simple. I just don't belong in my workplace. They're not sensitive and patient about learning. Everyone looks at me as though I should know everything already. And my senior economist makes sure that I generally don't get the credit for things that I've done or things that I've corrected. I need to learn to be more aggressive.

Sigh. I really wish I could get a good feeling about work for a change.

In more positive news, it seems that Dan now wants to come to the art gallery opening with me tomorrow. He had told me that he needed to bail to spend time with someone else. I was fine with that. But today he emailed to ask when he could pick me up. So 8 p.m. it is!

At least I have plans for the weekend. :)

I'm so sad. I wish I weren't sad. Work really gets me down. I wish it didn't. It makes me despairing, when really it shouldn't. What a waste of life, to be worrying about work. Everything else is ticking along so well for me - activities, friends. I'm even completely uninterested in the boyfriend lack at the moment. I'm at peace with it. I'm happy about my volunteer work.

OK. That's it!

Really.

8:57 p.m. - 2008-01-17

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