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enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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And she used to lead a crew of chantarelle pickers in the Queen Ch@rlotte Islands!

Oh my goodness what a great party. I'm so glad that I had recovered sufficiently to go. And C. accompanied me, which was extra-special as he lately has been spending more time with his program cohort than with me. He seemed to like the people.

I just love these women, although their male partners were on display tonight and I'll admit that I felt more than a little bit envious. The one woman in particular has a beau whom I admired. Do you recall the woman with whom I clicked at the ladies' brunch? Well, it turns out that she and her very sweet and cool and funky boyfriend - they've been together forever - both attended the same library school that I did. Travel a hundred highways and end up in a living room with people with whom you share this very particular inclination...

Odd. Odd. Odd. Lovely but odd. There were just so many wonderful couples in the room tonight and I had to stop myself from feeling left out. I must prevent these thoughts from creeping in. In fact, what I should be taking from all of this is the positive message that I am being invited to parties with people who give me such a warm, fuzzy feeling. I must embrace the opportunities to be with such people. When I compare these people to the mannerless, superficial lot I was meeting when I was with Larry...

SO many lessons to learn. And that is the lesson to learn in all of this. There are very particular and wonderful people to meet.

My only apprehension - to be frank - is that I perhaps seem too hungry when I am with these people. I am so hungry to be like them, and I don't want to put them off with this. I've been a hermit for sufficiently long that in some ways I think I need to relearn my social skills. I don't want to be a needy person, but in some ways I am needy - needing to drink from the well of confidence and enjoyment that these people seem to understand so thoroughly.

There you go. A lovely evening. I'm glad to have had it and known it. I learn something new each day.

Bottom line: I must force myself into more and more activities, and activities with people like these. Such a difference between today and yesterday...


That's it for my rant, my commentary. It's the middle of the night and I desperately need to drink some water and put my head down on my pillow...

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3:03 a.m. - 2007-12-16

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