enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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super frustrated

I am not doing much. I bought a bag of roasted pistachios that I thought would last through Christmas and I've eaten so many whilst sitting here that I'm almost ill. And they're salty.

Salty nuts. Isn't that a gruesome S!mps9ns joke or something? In any event it's an expression that reminds me of Larry. Larry and his friends used to refer to themselves as the "crusties," which disgusted me beyond belief. This label apparently came from the name that they used to describe Larry's apartment, which they had shared a few years back. It was called...wait for it..."Casa Crusty."

Lovely, huh?

I have such poor taste in men. I'll bet the cognitive ther@py for dummies book would tell me to write that on my bathroom mirror, only in the past tense. ;-)

I'm just joking.

I'm a tad grumpy.

I went back to the supermarket this evening to pick up the xmas party ingredients that I had forgotten, and of course I ran into the poet scientist's girlfriend, who lives a block away. She dropped that she was on dinner duty tonight but would really just be reheating something for them that he had made and put away last night.

And then the Farrah girl came into the supermarket -what are the odds, again???? - with her boyfriend, and it turns out that poet scientist's girlfriend knows her boyfriend and so the four of us were locked in conversation. Farrah is always all friendly when there are other people around, but then scowls at me the rest of the time. She scowled at me at the office again today.

I've decided re. Farrah that the best thing to do is just to pretend that I don't notice her snubs. My mother always used to say to my brother not to be irked by me, by saying, "She just wants to get a rise out of you." Frankly, I think that's exactly it. As they say, the opposite of love is indifference. A person's action does not have the intended result if the target is completely indifferent to the action.

So I'm QUeen indifferent.

Why oh why can't I figure out some activities to do at which I can, too, meet a boyfriend? :) To put it bluntly, I'm really in need of some quality action. And I just don't do the other kind.

Sigh. C'est la vie. Must wait.

I'm kind of mad at myself this evening because I was completely unproductive at work today, or at least productive in ways that I need to be productive. I couldn't sleep well last night and so I was exhuasted today and unfocused. It doesn't help that I have tasks to complete that are not terribly focused or clear in my head. I really need to work harder and not get lost in the fact that I am not excited at work.

I'll leave it at that. My overstuffed belly -spicy olives, chocolate, pistachios; going to the supermarket on an empty stomach and with an empty heart is ALWAYS a bad idea - and I need to go for the run we promised ourselves.

OFf I go.

9:23 p.m. - 2007-12-11

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