enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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A portrait of the artist as a formerly stilted young woman.

You know, I've been sitting here messing with dating profiles and looking in the mirror at my crazily unkempt hair and remembering...that all I've really ever wanted to be is an artist.

It's time not for me to become a wife or a mother or anything else...It's time for me to become an artist. That is something that I can do on my own. It is not contingent on anyone else's actions.

This is my empowerment.

You can choose to live or you can choose to wait.

My life: girl -check; athlete -check; economist/employed - check; artist ???? mother ????? partner ????

And what kind of artist would I be? Recently I've thought of writing biographies. I've always been fascinated with obituaries/lives lived. But I could not live without drawing. Perhaps drawing AND biographies. A modern-day Rusk!n, in a way. :)

Well except for the w3ird, asexual bits.

The central questions to me have always been, "How do others live? Why do they do what they do? What feelings drive these things?" It explains my taste in films. It explains many things. Perhaps I should write books in the vein of Girl with a P3arl Earr!ng, i.e speculating on what underlay the pursuits of others. Hmm...lots of food for thought on a Saturday. I'm getting it - I'm really not doing enough in my life to be ready for a relationship with the right guy. Meh. A little patience is warranted. And maybe I will get a cat after all. I'm so in love with the little morris cat living in the dormer across the way.

1:58 p.m. - 2007-12-01

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fifidellabon
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