enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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I possibly made a huge mistake...

I'm not going to lie. I didn't like my new job/workplace. My fears were founded.

I guess I've discovered that environment and people win out for me over value of the work/status.

But what can you do? Crying isn't going to help now. I will have to stay there for two years and then I can try to get a spot back at my last department.

I know that I should give it more time, but intuitively I just sense that I will be very isolated there. Big title; no one friendly to talk to.

I'm sad.

Oh well. I can't change it now. And it is just a pay cheque.

This will have to motivate me to work harder to get the other areas of my life moving.

I thnk that that's about it. I'm going to try not to cry, try to stay positive.

Incidentally, in my branch, of 35 people there are only 8 women. The majority of the other women are unsurprisingly in positions related to social policy spending. I'm the only woman in quantitative modeling, which I knew. And only one of eight principals/directors is a woman.

I generally prefer to work with men, but many of these men seemed to be overly smart and somewhat uptight. They didn't seem to appreciate my sense of humour.

Of course the general IQ level there was also intimidating. And of course the layering of reserve and pretension on top of IQ never helps...

I hope it gets better. :(

On a positive note, for once the tables are reversed: more toilets per woman on the floor than per man. I stood in this big empty bathroom and thought, "Gee, all for me." Which is great if I'm going to be spending a lot of time crying in them. ;)

6:03 p.m. - 2007-11-19

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