enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Please let me find myself an activity.

Middle of the night. Can't sleep. Panicking a little about the new job tomorrow.

More importantly, I'm panicking about the fact that I only seem to be moving forward in an abstract way. I've been in Ottawa for more than a year now and I haven't made much progress in terms of getting out and meeting people, joining...anything.

I'm rather pathetic at this.

I spent the last few hours scouting out clubs and activities in town via the Internet and I'm feeling overwhelmed. Everything that interests me is kind of..unlikely to yield many new friends -adult ballet, curling, drawing classes.

I guess the thing is that Rome wasn't built in a day. And this is definitely not the time to start building acquaducts.

But my sense is that I must. make. a commitment. to change.

Perhaps my goal should be to do something new and adventurous each week.

Yes, yes, I must do this.

OK. I'm going to watch a few minutes of A R with a Vi3w and then try to put myself to sleep again. : (

Incidentally, the organic, heirloom vegetable farm delivery thing is the best thing I have elected to do in ages! My delivery will take place each Friday. Tonight I ate a profusion of beautiful vegetables, vegetables that looked as vegetables should look - with wonderful gradation in the softest, prettiest of colours. I may not be getting any dating action but I am getting my vitamins!! YAY!

And my exercise - I went for a four hour walk today, though alas alone. I retraced the steps of my past through another neighbourhood in Ottawa (yes, the eagle's, though not near his house). Well, OK, near his house. I went to the house in which my boyfriend Dan and I had lived in 1997 and took a snap, traced our steps...and realized that the eagle's house basically backs onto that street. I didn't go anywhere near his end of the street though. (I'm definitely *not* the stalking type.)

I also visited the first track I ever took myself to train on, at the point at which I was completely self-trained and lacking in knowledge. It's a dirt track behind a high school, and lord knows I can't even confirm that it is a 400m track. I used to KILL myself doing intervals there though - I was such a tough little cookie. :) It was quite meaningful for me to visit it again, really, even though it was all locked up. More on this tomorrow. And I have pics!

I also bought poetry today - a giant volume of Pablo N3ruda. I took myself to buy Blake and I just couldn't bring myself to do it. The passionate Russians or Latins seem to do it for me these days. Also Doris L3ssing. I bought a lovely volumen of M@rtha Qu3st. I just loathe it though when people get me to spend more money and then try to convince me that I've saved x dollars at the same time - I'll spare you the details. :)

12:52 a.m. - 2007-11-19

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