enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-

Sadly, I think I will have to be contented with this morning's smile as another sighting is unlikely to occur today. :)

Oh well. Lesson: be proactive.

More news later on! ;)

So I'm home now, and indeed there was not another sighting. I kind of knew that was what would happen - he's usually at meetings or holed up in his office writing so I didn't see him very often, particularly once I moved offices about four months ago.

The sad part is that his light was still on when I went to the washroom by the elevators and when I left the washroom and turned the corner it was off - he had clearly just left and I had missed him by a few seconds. Elevator door closing, the end.

It's weird; I shouldn't be fixated on a guy I don't even know. But there's something about the way it is when I catch him looking at me - like the smile this morning that was clearly meant for me, that tells me something. I'm pretty intuitive about things and if anything tend to MISS or doubt people attracted to me/ noticing me (D. was pointing this out to me like crazy today as we went for coffee), so I don't think I'm imagining anything.

The guy's a super-professional with a high level job on a relatively small floor. We work in completely different directorates and our work never overlaps. There was just no way that he was ever going to stop me and say, "Hey! Let's go for coffee!"

So I have two options right now. The first is that now that I have left the place I can tell D. that I was attracted to that guy and to ask him to find out more information for me (in a best-case scenario somehow get the information to the guy that I am attracted to him). This is clearly a difficult option and unlikely to work.

The second is that I can leave it in the hands of fate (with a little bit of help ;)).

Do you know what I just did? I looked him up on directory assistance. And do you know what else? I was exactly correct about where he would live. I mean, I was within a few blocks in my guess, and in the exact right neighbourhood.

It's not the neighbourhood I would choose - largely because it's too expensive. But it's exactly the right kind of neighbourhood in which someone with the kinds of tastes he seems to have and with a few extra years of age and income would live.

The interesting thing is that when I run sometimes there's a spot where I like to sit before I turn back. It turns out that this spot is literally a few hundred metres from his neighbourhood. You just never know - someday I might just see him the park (of course I'll have to start running during the day :)) or in one of the coffee shops in his neighbourhood. (Would it be stalking, do you think, to go for coffee in his neighbourhood?)

Anyhow. I guess the thing is that I wish I'd had the guts to just walk into his office this evening and introduce myself.

But one of the admins who sits opposite to him was still there, as was the nosey director from my group who was wandering around in the backside of the hallway.

The question remains though: had it been empty would I have gone in and talked to him?

I doubt it. I doubt it. I have too much pride and not enough courage and so I choose the outcome of no, never, instead of the outcome of very small possibility.

I'm disappointed in myself.

Otherwise I felt so very emotional and sad when I left work today.

I know that the job was not an appropriate one for me. The bosses were generally unprofessional and I wasn't advancing my skill set in any way by staying there.

At the same time, when I arrived there six months ago I was so optimistic about what I could do there, where I was going. I was so hopeful.

And, in truth, because of the people, and because I'm just *there* in my life right now, it was the very first workplace of my life that I didn't want to run from to go back to school. I took the job at Line Dance not because I really wanted to leave but because I knew that a smart person would take the job at Line Dance.

SO I'm sad, weary, whatever.

I'll miss the environment. I'll miss my little desk and my stuff there.

And of course I"ll miss B.

One of my colleagues there wrote me this note this afternoon, and it leaves me feeling so emotional:

"Thanks, S :) You are such a kind, warm and genuine person. That's why I've always felt so comfortable opening up to you. And you always understand where I'm coming from. I will miss all the laughs we've had over the past few months. Things are so crazy here, they border on the preposterous! Someone with your vast experience, knowledge and ability deserves to be fully recognized and rewarded. Line Dance is getting a brilliant analyst and I know they will value you more than here."

Oh. I forgot something else. A married guy in my French class -who is actually a senior manager and very nice -asked if he could set me up with a friend of his. SO why not?

OK. I'm going to take sad and emotional little me out for dinner and then drinks with friends at 8:30. And then I will cry into my pillow. Have a great evening, all!

(I'll undoubtedly be hung over tomorrow, and I still have to finish work that I did not finish today at work.)

4:31 p.m. - 2007-11-16

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next

other diaries:

stepfordtart
ohell
awittykitty
annanotbob
manfromvenus
smartypants
fifidellabon
hungryghost
hissandtell