enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If only I had stayed in bed this morning!!!!

OK. I'm really in a BAD MOOD at this, the end of a BAD day.

I will try to keep this brief, but I need to get this OUT.

First, the senior chief decided to talk to me today, by pulling me into the crazy lady boss's office this morning to hear her rant and rave in critique of a piece that 1) I did not write; 2) I had not read; and 3) I did not know existed and would have distanced myself from if I had.

So the point of this little tale is that the idiots on my floor - including the senior chief who is simply too ambitious for his own good - had written a piece to sell a story in order to make policy. The problem is though that since there was no data to support this piece, they went ahead without consulting the numbers people (read: me, and also B., who conveniently happened to be away this morning and so unable to blow a gasket...).

But the problem with going ahead with a piece that is supposed to be supported by numbers but that is actually not...is that eventually someone comes along wanting you to FILL IN THE BRACKETED BITS IN WHICH YOU WRITE "DATA/EVIDENCE TO COME!"

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Can you hear my scream across the Atlantic? Across the Prairies? Across the Great Lakes???

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

So the punch line to all of this is that my crazy boss then proceeded to ask for data - taken from anywhere, whatever supports our story, even if it is evidence pertaining to a completely different population - from me!

Of course, from me.

So I very diplomatically but firmly indicated that I did not feel that any of it would be wise to do at this time. And then I went about looking into all of the "data" suggested in order to support the story and quickly realized that absolutely none of it was even remotely appropriate...

I could go on. But I will not.

That is all.

And I did not see Mr. B. at all today. :(

So when I left work today and ended up at the video store the video store guy said something about me looking like an action hero.

This is kind of funny as just this morning my friend Natasha and her new team had made the same comment when they saw me coming in in my biking outfit of tights, black riding boots, and a puffy down jacket. (I wear the riding boots as they're my most comfy boots and I can't stand getting my running shoes wet in variable weather - they then smell. :))

The thing is though that I do not feel like an action hero. And the point of me relaying this story is that the conversation resulted in a sad realization of what I have become.

The video store guy and I proceeded to discuss the idea that an economist would be the perfect disguise for an action hero. And then I mentioned the fact that I am also a trained librarian - comme Rachel Weisz in The M-mmy :) -and we had a laugh over that.

And of course the topic of whether or not this is sexy came up as well. The video store guy concluded that to a man a woman being an economist is not sexy. I got points for the librarian training, but only if I agree to say "shhhh" a great deal. :)

And then of course the kicker arrived. The video store guy (man, filmmaker, interesting though troubled guy) told me that men in general don't CARE what a woman does for a living. He said that when men talk about women they pretty much never talk about what the woman does during the day.

So my whole life flashed before my eyes. My life is work. (Sad, but pathetically true.) Men don't care about a woman's job. Therefore men don't have the potential to care about me.

And worse yet work makes me look so tired and my brow look so furrowed. I'm working myself out of range of happiness!!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I'm lonely.

I shouldn't be. But I am. And every day I think to myself, "Another day ticking by that I cannot share with another!" I am no super-duper action hero. (Although I do look pretty badass in my tights and boots, if I do say so myself. :))

:(

OK. Undue self pity, I realize.

But it was burning to come out.

I'm going to go and eat something. And yes, I'm going to pour myself a stiff drink. I rented Wings of D3sire. I hope that that lifts my mood. :)

7:58 p.m. - 2007-11-09

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next

other diaries:

stepfordtart
ohell
awittykitty
annanotbob
manfromvenus
smartypants
fifidellabon
hungryghost
hissandtell