enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary
"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh
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dissecting today's stupidity and disappointment
So things have been going really well lately.
In spite of this I broke down a little bit today.
I'm not working as quickly as I should be doing.
I'm not sure what is wrong.
I suppose that it might just be the stress of change. Not that I care very much, but the senior chief hasn't spoken a word to me since it was announced that I am leaving. It's like I am a piece of furniture.
Apparently he is angry at my senior economist for poaching me to Line Dance.
But such is life.
Benoit is also sitting on me hard. I know that he means well and respects my abilities, but the pressure isn't helping -it's slowing my brain down.
And I had the BRILLIANT idea that I was going to take life by the horns today and what the heck go and sign up for that spinning class with baldy. And do you know what?
He did not show up again.
Meh. I enjoyed the class anyhow. IT was the best part of my day. The teacher was hilarious. She kept on telling us to imagine the sun glinting and the leaves blowing across the road. It was great.
After lunch though came the crash.
I've mentioned my best friend of 20 years, Cynthia, many times before I am sure.
I love Cynthia, I do.
And I have spent many years in endless phone conversations helping her to get over her various traumatic relationships. I've also helped convince her not to stalk men, so I deserve a great deal of additional credit, to boot.
The thing is that now, finally, she has met the man of her dreams. And I rarely hear from her these days. SHe's in the lala bliss of love and planning her wedding, and frankly today it was just too much to take.
She hardly ever contacts me except to send me quick notes about her wedding plans (she's set a date even though they have only been dating since the end of August, but apparently he is on board) with trite little sayings about being contented and blah blah blah.
So today she sent me a note asking me if I am at peace with myself, and telling me that she hopes that I am contented as she is so that I can find a man.
Of course, I know I know I know that one needs to be in a good place to be in a relationship.
But it felt like such a needle and so lacking in consideration and compassion that I just broke down.
I felt sad. And I lashed out at her a bit in an email.
And then of course I felt badly.
So, all told, not a great day.
I'm home now though and I've had my cry and I'm OK. I will cook some dinner and work a little bit on - if I do say so myself - the quite decent paper that I have pulled out of a hat in the last week.
I will be happy.
Besides, the lovely girl with whom I connected last week at the Hallowe'en party has been in touch and she is eager to build a friendship with me. It is not all bad. I am not completely alone.
Oh yes, and I have moved forward and submitted all forms for the Childr3n's Aid Society!
Oh, one other bit of news: The poet scientist and his girlfriend have returned from Chile. He sent me a beautiful note about their trip today. It was also LONG. It made me doubly sad, of course, as he is not available. I missed that boat. He remembered us spending Remembrance Day together last year in the mist at the War M3morial. He wished me happiness this weekend on that my favourite holiday.
Wistful am I.
Food time.
|8:05 p.m. - 2007-11-06
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Come al solito - 2011-04-16 unfettered spending - 2011-04-15 How does it go? - 2011-04-14 Whirlwind. - 2011-04-13 bleak that flips over to daffodil - 2011-04-08 |