enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Saturday, part II

ACK. I forgot the most important point of the week. (Other than that "nosism" means the Royal WE. :))

I was chatting with an older woman about finding her mate (online, in Ottawa, yes!), and something in the conversation gave me a big 'ol ding ding ding ding ding...

She said something about how it took her a long time to learn to "let things go."

I've realized that that is what has happened to me. That's why I feel peace.

I've lost the resentment. I don't look to other people or really to anything or anyone as to why things were and have been as they have been. I've realized that none of it matters because nothing can be changed once it has happened.

All I can change is how I view or react to knowledge of the past. That's it.

There is no more.

A simple lesson, I know. The thing I never understood is that you can't just think it. YOu need to FEEL it.

It's like crossing a kind of threshold of hope when you can feel it, because when you react automatically by letting go, in a weird but deeply true way you've finally healed.

Hmm...I think that there is some truth to this.

My wise old librarian friend Meg told me that 37 would be my year.

I think she was correct. And I think that a call to her in her log house in the wilds of Saskatchewan this afternoon is in order...I miss my wise friend.

12:46 p.m. - 2007-10-27

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