enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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the musings of an insomniac who ate a chicken burger at 3 a.m.

OK. So I haven�t mentioned this, but I�ve recently found myself attracted to this senior director guy at work.

When I first started working in my department, I would walk by this guy or encounter him in the hallway and he was clearly noticing me. It made me uncomfortable; I avoided him. He wasn�t doing anything particularly creepy, just smiling openly at me and seemingly following me around corners if we seemed to be going in the same direction (which I interpreted as him wanting to continue the view; I�m pretty unhappy with stuff like this given experiences that I had early in my career at the Department of Distant Illicit Relationships).

Anyhow. So the first major encounter that I had with him was at a major meeting. He was speaking and I thought, �Gee, that guy is intelligent and dignified. Too bad he�s a balding guy who stares too long.�

And then someone I really respect mentioned to me in discussing the contents of the meeting that this guy is a �really great guy, an awesome guy.�

And last week, his name came up in conversation with a woman who has moved to work in his group. She mentioned in another context that he is a �wonderful person.�

Their shop is a really cool one, and does work that I respect.

And it turns out that he also has a Ph.D.

Ding ding ding ding. We might have a winner, folks!

Of course, for all I know, he is married and/or gay and or sleeping with half of the women in his unit.

But anyhow.

Did I mention that there was a charity 10k race at work a couple of weeks ago, and that I ran into this guy on the stairs on his way down to participate?

I�d put him in his mid-40s.

So there you go. I don�t know why I�m thinking of this now. I suppose it is because I�m thinking of leaving my department for a more rarified and tiny department. And I suspect that if I were just to open my eyes, my department would prove to have interesting opportunities within it. ;)

That�s all. Except that I opened my childr3n�s a!d soci3ty application envelope finally and realized that I could have used all of the time that I wasted last evening at the police station in actually applying for my criminal record check. Now I will have to go back AGAIN to that dreadful place. DOH!

Now this isn�t funny at all, but did I happen to mention that when you get into the police station there is an electronic kiosk with a touch screen through which you take a number for what you want done for you?

And I�m not joking when I say that under �police services,� in which my fine thingie was located, there was also a touch button to indicate that you were there to report that you had been sexually assaulted.

Apart from the sad, sad thing that is modern society that brings us to that, I have to tell you that before realizing that I needed to touch �police services,� I accidentally touched a button to retrieve a number for the service �ask for a pardon.�

You�d think with a year of law school behind me in my murky past I�d have�uh�greater knowledge of the distinction between the criminal code and the highw@y traffic act. ;)

But then we all make mistakes, non?

I won�t be too hard on myself, this time. :)

So related to the not-leaving-my-department-because-the-people-are-interesting thing, I�ve realized that I need to make a list of dealbreakers and must-haves in a guy. What is the list??!?!?!

I�ll save that until later, unless I have an immediate burst of energy.

The only thing that clearly, purely, fiercely comes to mind as a desired thing is this: fearless.

And by fearless I don't mean jumping out of planes, Ev!l Kn3ivel sort of fearless (although of course even he had his limits :)). I mean almost perfectly, equisitely by fearless that the man for me would be morally and intellectually fearless. I mean, striving for right-like, striving purely.

Which reminds me - C. sat me down the other day and pointed out that he's quite concerned: I've taken to the teenie bopperish habit of saying "like" far too regularly. I use it differently, however, and mostly in the quirky I almost want to say north- of-60-enigmatic sort of way in which my coach Jerry used to use it when drunk: "I attended a Presbyterian college in Or3gon, you know. I'm all Press-button-like as a result, Walter." (Have I mentioned that my coach used to call me Walter as a nickname, Wally/Wully for short? :))

3:17 a.m. - 2007-10-21

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