enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Saturday meandering...again.

So I hope I can make you laugh a little bit this morning.

Have I ever posted this picture of myself that was taken for a university campaign booklet containing essays by graduate students? I represented Econ. grad students, regrettably, with a piece questioning the relevance of economics depts (everyone else wrote about their awesome theses...oops. Telling, non? ;)). And the university photographer took this picture, which I delightedly call the "three asses."

It's funny how we are always inclined to post pictures of ourselves in which we look "good." I'm the worst for that. But I'll tell you that my favourite pictures of myself are the ones that reveal my real personality and not any false sense of attractiveness. One of my favourite ones ever is this one, which reveals how happy I was whenever I was out near the open water on G3orgi@n Bay. Not sure if I've ever posted it before:

And likewise, this is my favourite picture of C and I, in the same place:

And this is my favourite running photo ever, with me all jittery before the start of the Montreal Marathon, when I was not in my best shape:

Anyhow. I've realized that being myself is OK. And the added benefit is that people seem to like it better than the poised, correct me.

That's about all I feel like saying.
I am underslept. I watched a movie late into the night even though I knew that my Internet guy was going to be coming as early as 8 a.m. As a result I am completely exhausted, as usual.

And the cable guy was pleasant, though annoyingly kept on checking out my ass. I don't quite understand why guy 101 doesn't teach men to not. be. obvious.

And it's completely freezing here. It's dreadful, totally a weekend for curling up inside with coffee and a book. I doubt I'll go out at all today, moving between my bed and my easy chair.

Ah, the life.

I did get up to make muesli for breakfast, and so at least that's something.

Life is good. I've been reflecting lately on account of Gentry's sadness, and I realize that what has done it for me is the simple process of starting to build a base of stability. I'm starting to build genuine friendships with colleagues and a few others in Ottawa - it always takes me time but then I'm never in search of acquaintances but rather kindred spirits - and I'm starting to grow in my understanding of my capabilites and potential at work.

And although I am making crappy money at the moment, that will gradually change. When I come home to my modest apartment I feel happy and contented that it is all mine. I have good food and beautiful books and some lovely clothes and I feel so fortunate in all of these. I really do. I didn't have these things or the security of being able to earn them for a very long time. People always look askance at my mismatched and old furniture, my simple linens, my tiny tv and my crappy old radio...(It should have been my first clue that Larry was not the guy for me--he was always trying to get me to buy new stuff for my apartment.) But I like these things: they feel like me.

So I should talk about something important like the election or something, but I'll refrain from mouthing off. Hmm... what shall I read today? Not sure. Suggestions for a rainy day?

Music must be had, for sure. And I think I will go online and indulge by buying some yarn to make a nice new cardigan for the winter. My goal is to actually bring colour into my life again, after a long absence. As a result I am going to give away many of my handknits to charity. I figure that someone else can use nice sweaters in dark colours that no longer reflect my feelings about life. :)

I have some old bananas sitting around. Perhaps I should start the day by baking banana bread. And spreading more flour all over the apartment I've just cleaned...

10:59 a.m. - 2007-10-13

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